well...it has been an insane month and due to circumstances out of my control, i decided to walk away from the job i've loved for the last year. i still believe in the organization and what they do for children however i can't help but be disappointed in the decisions they are making when it comes to staff. and knowing i did nothing wrong, i can confidently say that i showed grace to those who chose to be not friends but enemies. it pains me a great deal to think that the instigator in all of this melodrama calls themselves an absolute lover of Christ. i can't pretend to know that person's heart, however, i know that it is not hidden from God. i believe that satan took joy in seeing me struggle but God has as always been my refuge and deliverer. i refuse to be angry, bitter, distraught, or scared of the future because God has given me more than a hope, but faith and a future. He placed this call on my life this time 5 years ago. it is encouraging to know that this month of absurdity has been brought to an end and i have more confidence in my God more than ever. i can't help but think this is an amazing opportunity and turning point in my life to achieve everything i've ever dreamt of and so i faithfully follow God's leading to publish my book and pursue photography full time. this is actually the second time in 2 years that i've quit my job to complete my writing work and being older and more willing to listen (probably not so wise), i embark on this journey. God has taught me how to love my enemies and bless and pray for them. i have learned how to fast and pray without ceasing. i have learned what it is to be mistrusted, gossiped about, and maybe even hated and it is not because of anything i did or said but because satan wanted a battle. i do not feel as though i have less dignity by walking away but more self control than those who began this unwarranted fight. and i wholeheartedly believe that i stood up for myself and my rights to not be harassed in the workplace any longer. and guys...if you ask a girl out at work and she says no, it doesn't mean you can wait it out...if no means no today, then that goes for tomorrow, too. life is hard enough...we don't all need to be enemies especially when its a last resort to keep ourselves busy. so i'm completely finished with this updated "mean girls" parody of my life. Anywho, my new boss is fabulous and she lets me wear hats to work.
i write this to show you that its not worth the interruption of being angry or self involved...that is such a dangerous, egotistical, little cocktail. we all have things to live for and i pray that it is Christ sooner rather than later. God save us all from ourselves...we are our own worst enemies. You are the only thing true and glorious in this life...please bless this humble attempt to do the right thing. love God love people.
and i thank you all for the constant encouragement and support through these few weeks. thank you for praying with me, crying with me, spending time, and not laughing at me...there are no words to express my gratitude. i am truly blessed to have your love and you have carried my burdens. and i have to thank my grandparents, mom, dad, other momma and my sister for dropping everything to be with me. you know the beat of my heart and i pray that i make you proud because you have made me all i am...i do not even know what it is to be malicious or untruthful and that is because of you. i always remain mindful that i have a brother and sister at home who learn from the things i experience. so i believe that God is glorified in this situation because he is right, just, and loving. and you have all been Christ to me. God bless you all.
