the breakup & restoration

i wasn’t aware of all the new breakup songs that are on top 40 radio. i don’t listen to too many of them because for lack of creativity they are depressing and cliche. and for the sake of embarrassment i did download a few in the last week...some sort of epiphany for what was to come. indeed. love is a mystery.

there is nothing like heartache to remind you that you are alive. ALIVE...living, coping, existing, wishing, wondering, hurting...BREATHING

and it seems like i’ve heard the same song before...and it repeats except you have no ability to press pause or stop it at all...love is a mystery.

i am not anyone or anything that God doesn’t intend me to be. i love and serve God with everything i have or so i try and he gives me life, experiences, joy. i am only a girl with a vision of what perfect love resembles and yet when i try to put it into human context, i am only reminded of the need for God’s grace and man’s depravity. i have made so many incredibly stupid mistakes in my life when it comes to relationships and just when i think they are far away i am reminded. so i hope for the day that someone says that they serve God with everything they are and they appreciate me for what i do as well...i wait for that someone who says my feet are beautiful for where they have been and where they have stood for the sake of Christ. i wait for the person who pursues me and listens to every mission trip story i have and is excited about every country i want to minister to. i wait for the man who will lead me in prayer before every date and every meal...before every big event and the silly small ones. i wait for the man who will fast, pray, and grow a beard. and i pray for the man who tells me i am important. i know he prays continually and has a heart for missions, preaching, and adoption. i will be inspired by the urgency he has to share the gospel. and i know he is fabulous and beautiful wherever he is. i feel as though he is coming from africa and he is walking...love is a beautiful mystery.

so as discouraged as i was when i first began to write, i am filled with the Lord’s hope and His heart to continue to have faith. And there will now be faith in my waiting and purposeful patience. and i believe that God wouldn’t have it any other way. afterall, the most important question i was ever asked by any boy was when i gave my heart to Jesus...that is the standard.

i will continue to be consumed with God’s Glory and Kindness. if the Lord continues to wake me up at 5am every morning, i will get out of bed. i will not be afraid to become the missionary he wants me to be. and i will enjoy the time i have been given here to do His work. and God continues to protect and LOVE me because he wants to and i will not take it for granted. i will be amazed. God is my healer, redeemer, and ultimate love.