I was talking to a friend at church on Sunday about the January fog I've been experiencing. It's cold and dreary and frankly, a bit depressing. And though I've had so many projects to work on, it's been a bit of a chore to find inspiration for my work. Yes, I could read more books or watch more movies, but I have to be keenly aware of mimicking the work of other people. And so I've resorted to listening to country music. It makes me happy for no good reason and it is more drama than a reality tv show.
The point is I'm realizing that I have to do whatever it takes to makes this happen and its difficult to be optimistic all the time because I am really a pessimist or maybe I just think I am. It's just so hard to trust and wait. And I am as positive as I possibly can be, but it's more to convince myself than anybody else.
About 7 years ago, my advisor at Baylor told me that I would never make it in college. She asked what I wanted to be and I told her that I needed to be a writer and she said that it would not be possible. I guess she was right at the time, because I couldn't read and retain any kind of information. And after lots of exhaustive testing, it was determined that I read on a 3rd grade level with no comprehension skills and I had A.D.D. It was most difficult time in my life, but I had so much support from friends, family and the will to work that it finally all made sense and I went back to Baylor to give it another shot and I made it with God's grace.
And I can't help but feel this is a similar situation. I have everything I need, I just have to change my mind and pray for more faith. And God will be honored because he has given me this time and passion to work. I just want to be who He desires me to be. I don't want to miss opportunities or disappoint Him or belittle His sacrifice. I want to be as faithful to Him as He is to me.
3 comments:
Hello friend. I recommend you read this: http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Like-Walt-Capturing/dp/0757302319
I think it will help you with the inspiration stuff! Miss you!- Jenny
I will definitely read your recommendation because you are always right! And we should start planning a trip for the summer! Miss you!
Girl....we have way too much in common. Then again maybe many people are like us. Maybe we just take more time to reflect and assess our personal lives. Patience and Faith. I can not be patient and I do not want to be patient. When I fianlly do stop and realize that I am being selfish and impatient I always ask myself..."Why must you rush and why are do you not allow yourself to be content here, now?" I am learning. I have learned much. Is it sad that I have to train myself to sit, be still and just breathe?
Breathe
Breathe and listen.
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