circa 1991

grace is an amazing opportunity to realize that forgiveness is beautiful. in 1991, my dad essentially stopped being my dad as i knew him. he became someone else...a husband to a new woman, a father to a new girl, and a stranger to me. and it has taken discussions, tears, phone calls, visits, and countless prayers to restore our relationship. it actually began to mend when i was a junior in college because i started to let go of the resentment and accept that i could not change the past. thankfully, my dad has in the last year or so let go of stress and become a man who leads his family by example. God has brought us back together and for the first time in 10 years, we went to church as a family this passed weekend. i never thought that the Lord would dream a new beginning for us, but we either all get on board or let it pass us by. we are all in this together, not because of passed mistakes, but instead to witness the intense mercy and love of Christ. His love endures forever.

The Patch

this was taken saturday at the arboretum. i can't believe we had never been to a pumpkin patch before. this is the greatest time of the year!

sound bite

Here is the Randomness of the Week:

"You're an Ugly Pony!"

"Do you date 4's or 5's?"
"I mostly date homeless 5's but they have to have a beard"

"Barrio Crazy"

"It's Real" - Apparently this only makes sense in Louisiana...trust me, i tried it out and it did not happen for me.

I know that these are all unique to circumstances but i had to share them because they make me laugh so hard. I was actually writing an email today when I started laughing out loud at the "ugly pony" comment. i'm sure i will have more next week...until then...

turn, turn, turn

i spent saturday afternoon celebrating my 95 year old aunt’s birthday. incredible. i have yet to see anyone so happy to light candles, see cake, be thankful for life in general and i believe that she gets it. there is always a bit of tension between my grandmother and her sister because as many 95 year old women often do, she forgets things...important things like her husband dying, accusing people of stealing from her, forgetting where she should go next, but yet she lives and lives well.

as we were singing happy birthday and i snapped away as always (my granddaddy hired me to chronicle the event), i began to think about the first person that who displayed that kind of passion...Mary...yes, Mary Taft was an amazing girl who became my first friend when i moved to carrollton. it was the first day of 4th grade and i was a nobody...a chubby nobody at that, and i sat next to Mary by choice. she had her white-ish, blonde hair pulled back in a long braid, she wore a red dress and had something no one else in the class had...an oxygen tank. Mary had cystic fibrosis, but she loved life. over the next few years we went to the movies, had parties, formed secret societies, and had sleepovers. i learned about breathing levels, feeding tubes, lung transplants and friendship...she had it all. we were in the grocery store when the news came. my nemesis and foe walked right up to us and said Mary was dead...she had passed away on friday and it was sunday. i just remember collapsing inside my mother’s arms. she lead me through the checkout line, her hands over my ears as i stood and cried uncontrollably.

later we found out that Mary’s lung transplant was a success. she learned to swim for the first time in her life, she was able to rollerblade and run...she had truly been able to do it all in such a short period of time. she lived well. and today after all the good stories and plethora of hugs and kisses, i could see my aunt lydia and that familiar sense of self that though she knew she wouldn’t be around forever, she was living now, in the present...what a great thing to see.

just as a side note...i knocked my nemesis’ front teeth out on the playground the next year...a complete accident...she’s not a walking toothless wonder though; she had them fixed. yeah, she’s in the book.

what now?

so i’ve never listened to a book on tape at any point during my life. don’t know why...just didn’t see the need. i think it was probably the inability to connect with a person reading an author’s work. and so i am listening to Sex God from rob bell...i finally had to turn it off today because i was having such an intense, personal examination around 7:45am...a little dangerous for this girl. but praise God for letting me think about personality, generalizations, and the human condition...my own depravity. and there is such a need for a reminder of just how amazing this relationship between God and his creation really is. it is so much of a mystery. the very possibility that i would bring God joy...too much.

i have friends who are finally expecting the arrival of a baby within the next few days and i begin to think about how their lives have truly changed because of this new, beautiful preparation. and as marriage and children get closer and closer to me, my friends, i feel the need to explore more of my role as a woman as God intended it to be...what he designed me for. i never thought it would be possible for me to love children so much and everyone time it happens its like i step outside of myself and into a loving light...it is so much different than any way i have ever been...it is new.

i feel like i know everything...about myself, everyone, you...truly arrogant...i don’t...i don’t know anything because i am learning so much about my heart that i never knew existed...there is patience everyday. so i’m not ashamed to say that this is all new but it is like home to me. i’ve always been so afraid of wanting to be a mom...i don’t know why...maybe i just wanted to be cool...or i just didn’t think i could do it as well as it needed to be done...so we’ll see. i’m not so afraid of that anymore. how could i not want that in my life?

ice cream sandwhich!

i'm totally related to the guy who would get an ice cream sandwhich tattooed on his leg! if only i were as dedicated! seriously!

city slickers

well...we made it back from our little family camping trip...it was actually our family reunion with 200 relatives no less. yes, we have a HUGE family and we did it right this time. of course there were ants in our bed, fights with my grandparents, and hours of sweating it out in the sun watching horse shoes and vollleyball, but we survived! thank goodness its all over until next labor day weekend. i've never worked so hard and not gotten paid for it, but it was worth it as i type on my lovely apple computer in my air conditioned house. i did manage to take a few photos of the weekend. the new babies make it all worth the effort. enjoy the kids carnival!

jessica garza photography!

well after some thought, i've decided to take a chance and try my hand at this photography deal. please check out the new site and let me know what you think. i might even ask a few of you to pose for me! here's to the future! you can find jessica garza photography at http://web.mac.com/jessicagarza

puff in stuff

What a Week! It's been completely insane up at work and life at home is a little crazy as well. I'm ready for the weekend! I'm so excited that I get to see Jenn, i'm living with lisa for the next 48 hours & high school musical comes out friday...totally pysched about it. and i will have to make a brief appearance at the party for tim...not to worry because that will not get in the way of my girls weekend!

in other news, i had the pleasure of being at nate's surprise party a few weeks back and i finally worked on the pictures from the fiesta! here a few of my faves!

back to normal

getting back to work with my actual colleagues has been more fun that i ever imagined. it is an incredible feeling to know that we all have the same heart and passion for the kids that we serve on a daily basis. now, after 10 months of being on the job, i feel as though i could never do anything else. it is much different than being on staff at a church and i have finally embraced that rather than rejecting the lost. i am more aware that people live for survival sake alone and it is a welcome change from teenagers and their ipods...the needy don't disappear because we don't acknowledge them and when its all said and done i would like to be associated with this bunch of beautiful people than any other...they are my people and we are no different. i pray that this year we are able to make a difference to the community because we have a heart for this work. love god love people.

Queen for a Day!

well...the party was a great success with plenty of food left over. it was great to have family come from california and oklahoma, too. i'm just glad this only happens once every 85 years!

more more more!

life has been a bit slower the last few weeks and therefore i have been able to work on some of the photos from the trip! as you can see they are all in b&w which is my most favorite thing in regards to photography...enjoy!
my sister & me waiting for our taxi

getting a little crazy at dinner

my first endeavor with the telelphoto

my parents

This Saturday!!!

the week is finally here! my family has been preparing for my grandmother’s 85th birthday bash for quite some time. we have so many things to finalize before saturday not to mention the out-of-town guests, but i’m sure it will all come together with the help of my mother and my aunt. it will most surely be a day to remember.

my grandmother has been affectionately referred to as somewhat of a diva. and this party has brought out her true colors, but we love her and it is hilarious, although, i feel a bit sorry for my grandfather. regardless, she knows exactly what she wants and hopefully she will be surprised and pleased...in a new outfit no less.

i’m getting the great grandkiddos together today for a quick shoot for my project for the party...we’ll see how those photos turnout and whether or not the kids make it or if i have to fulfill one of my empty threats up until this point. i am very excited though because it is one of my best first big endeavors in regards to my new photography interests and i hope that the pictures are good enough to add to a portfolio. the point is that its totally worth it for Lita’s Party...so fabulous!

cruise mishaps

so the cruise was beyond fabulous and i am totally planning the next one...cruises aren't just for grandparents anymore. we (the fam) were able to snorkel in both cayman and cozumel...but the trip highlight for me was swimming with the stingrays in cayman. it was an incredible experience. AND on tuesday night there was a huge dance party for everyone on the boat...it was a mardi gras party and people got crazy...it was probably one of my top 5 nights ever! so exciting!

my sister and i roomed together but my brother was the real character on the boat. we were able to have breakfast and lunch together a couple of times and we had all the intentions in the world to order room service, but sadly we ran out of time.

i'd like to say it was all smooth sailing, but of course, being the total spaz that i am i had a few memorable incidents on and off the boat. the first came on thursday morning in grand cayman when we were standing in line for our exercusion. my dad went inside a nice little store to grab some water for the day and just about that time i turned to my stepmom to tell her i felt sick. i ran up the steps to the store (there was a giant fake pirate in the doorway and i didn't want to fall on it) to look for a bathroom, but when i got into the store i realized that i could see less and less every passing moment...i was about to pass out. i managed to yell my dad's name while trying to hold myself up at that store counter. my poor dad picked me up and forced me to drink water and when i came to i was completely soaked...not bad for having 2 hours sleep, being dehydrated, etc. i was the first girl to blackout in that store!

on friday morning i awoke from my 2 hour long power nap to wash my face and brush my teeth and i was used to the boat moving a bit, but i actually realized that we were in a port so the boat would not be moving...anyways...i stumbled into the tiny little bathroom and lost my footing and all sensibility and threw myself into the shower wall. i just laid there and laughed...my shoulder hurt for 3 days.

lastly, the last night my brother was rather rude and made the mistake of burping in my face so i grabbed the skin under his chin and held it until he apologized to me. i want to be clear that i wasn't near his throat or neck...it was fitting with our foghorn leghorn theme of the vacation. "i say, i say boy!"

as things come to me i will post but i'm just getting my sleep patterns back in the swing of things...i'm still exhausted, but super happy!

random story of the day

so after our board meeting this morning, we took a group to grab some breakfast before going home and right in the middle of the restaraunt one of our kids makes antisemtic remark and then proceeds to sing and dance to Hava Nagila...we will not be going back there again.

sooo close

well, we are 4 days and counting until the caribbean getaway with my family and i feel like i have to do so much in this short amount of time that i’m afraid it won’t all get done. work is crazy...i have a board meeting, closeouts, and testing. and on the friend front, i have a bachelorette party and then i'm flying in early to houston for a night of "girls weekend" with jenn...and maybe it doesn’t sound like much, but i’m trying to get packed for 10 days...that’s so something a girl would say. all good problems to have...

i’m just ready for the swimming with dolphins and watching my brother go down a zip-line for the first time...laying on the beach and wearing a swimsuit all day long. and i think we all need this so much right now. it will be so good for us to just be...be ourselves...be together...be a family.

and i haven’t made a cruise playlist yet or picked a catch phrase for the trip (complete nerds...just something we like to do)...and i haven’t decided on the inappropriate phrase i will dare my bro & sis to say at dinner with strangers...although i’m leaning towards “sucka”. totally old school, i know but i heard it tonight on tv and it was hella funny...just think of it...“what time is dinner, sucka?” and then respond with a “i’m rick james”. i know i would get in so much trouble for the rick james comment from my parents, but its totally worth the risk. it will all work out...only 4 days away from paradise.

fashion tip of the day: fork over the money for a good powder bronzer...i would recommend the new smashbox product...it not only gives you a tan but a glow, too...never underestimate a the power of a beautiful glow!

Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy Birthday Momma! There are no words...love love love you! Just in case you forgot, you're the baby on the left! xoxoxo

MAYER

well...this being somewhere around the 5th or 6th time i've seen johnny mayer...it was fantastic as usual and if we had better seats we would've literally been in the VIP section! that's totally not even luck just evidence that God knows how much me and alli love john...jk. ben folds was great as well...just a great time to witness insane talent. and the weather...perfect! it was definitely the first time i focused on the music instead of sweating the entire time...i was actually freezing because we were right under the fans. and we definitely heard some wisdom from the headliner about life...he's genius...that story is best shared in person. still recovering from the experience...the greatest! i apologize for the video being shakey, but i was dancing!
john mayer

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Ocho, where you at?

so i’ve done that math and this is first time i haven’t been to camp in 13 years...yes, my life is sooo dangerous! i worked that figure while multi-tasking at work...right. well, i can’t believe that it has been such a big part of my summers although i probably should’ve been fired for some of the junk i pulled on a few of the trips. so here’s to great dance parties in the condos at padre and looking for your buses...bus #8. Do it right my friends...this is the week you dream about!

i would advise you to not set mattresses on fire, do not ever think a food fight is a good idea (you’re welcome), never get involved in a police chase in amarillo, do not steal golf carts and think there are no security cameras, never take more dramamine than you need, do not say racial slurs in the cafeteria at LA Tech, never have a dance party on a moving bus, do not break your flip flops and walk around the streets of colorado in bare feet (you’d probably fit in), never hide from the student minister, never let stroube kick anything in your room or come up with party games, NEVER sleep on the balcony of your condo and let your counselor FLIP OUT because she can’t find you (seriously...still mad about that one) and never disobey Mary...MARY!

this little entry solidifies my place in the nerd hall of fame, but i am never at a loss for stories...i know you’re jealous! here are a few unauthorized photos from the past two years!


fashion tip of the day: do not be afraid to wear converse and let your hair be wavy/curly. you might just achieve the homeless look you are going for!

juneteenth

in an effort to redeem myself and my lack of festivities for the juneteenth celebration, i decided to dedicate time to the holiday. the majority of you know that i’m writing a book...yes...still in the process two years later...enough of goals unmet. there is a chapter in the book entitled “i don’t celebrate juneteenth”...it was my favorite chapter to write out of everything. my writing workshop at the time tried to talk me out of the title and i caved for a while, but i can no longer censor that part of myself....it is a fact that i don’t celebrate juneteenth.

traumatic experience elluded to and now explained...the story begins in the summer of 1992 (cue the paula abdul “forever your girl” track) when i was living with my dad and stepmom. as in most cases, i’d gotten a fabulous swimsuit at the beginning of the summer. it was a one piece, but precious...red with purple, green, and blue flowers on it and i know what you’re thinking, but it wasn’t some kmart look-alike pattern, we went to marshall fields for this baby. and it had a bright purple sash...i was in love with that sash. i happened to go swimming at the rec center indoor pool because i was so serious about the sport (i blame the olympics and my father). this particular day there was a pageant...yes, a pageant which fascinated me (think olive in little miss sunshine), but it was only for african american girls...oh the humanity. my poor dad had to explain the reason i couldn’t enter because i would absolutely postive i could take the crown! back to swimming, i swam to take my mind off of the juneteenth pageant and while i was getting dressed in the locker room afterwards, i turned around to pick up my swimsuit and it was gone...disappeared into thin air...but who would’ve taken my beautiful suit, so fabulous with the purple sash.

it wasn’t until the following day that i saw one of the girls in the pageant with her younger sister...they were going swimming...you see where this is going. the younger girl had my swimsuit on and i’m not one to speculate, but i marched right out to the pool and told my dad about the girl who had stolen my suit...thus explains the mystery of why i do not and will not celebrate juneteenth. i believe i am totally justified.

fashion tip of the day...don’t be afraid of wife beaters and i’m speaking specifically about the item of clothing i’m all about bold statements today...must be wednesday!