Full Disclosure

Sundays are exhausting.

All the best intensions cannot get me in bed before 1am on a Saturday night. And I lay there thinking about the small chance of reverb that people will hear when Josh talks instead of singing. I think about the videos, team, and of course, the possibility that I may not make it on time. Ever. And I beat myself up for not playing on the worship team, singing, but instead, filling in with media when its needed. Thinking the gifts the Father has bestowed upon me will never be good enough for corporate worship...and well, its a healthy fear. I see, hear and am privy to most of what people say in encouragement or out of insecurity to my husband each week. And I don't want to get up there, no way!

Sunday was a particularly stressful day. And while I was prepared for it, you're never really prepared for it. You can pray against spiritual warfare and sometimes you are just overwhelmingly weary. This was the case, excited for worship, needing the Holy Spirit to my change my attitude, consume heart, give me peace and out of humanity, of course I ran a muck. We are in a new church body, having moved into it full time in September and also moving into a new facility. Its a stressful time because real live humans are running the church, as in sinful people, albeit redeemed by Christ and covered by His life-giving blood, still human. I am always reminded of my own humanity in those times reflecting and singing about the Holiness of God. I know God doesn't always want me to feel defeated, but those are Sundays for me.

Cut to Sunday afternoon as my Mom was driving up to see us for a day or so, my husband had to stay unexpectedly for a 2 hour meeting at church and I was trying to take care of a sick puppy dog. I was over it. Done. Completely done and dreading the 2 hour city wide prayer service that Joshua was helping out with later that evening. He was home for a total of 30 minutes on Sunday afternoon to wash dishes and hear my very colorful remarks about the day. And you wonder why we have no children yet. Can you say "Type A" personality?

Sunday afternoon usually means lifegroups, but we were having our second city-wide prayer service. Sounds fun, right? I didn't want to go to this thing and I purposely asked for the setlist for the night before I weighed my decision to attend.  We were late and still using brightly colored words, we made our way into the worship center at Sherman Bible. And I'm not kidding, the false security, hope, maturity that I was clothing myself in was stripped off, because the Spirit of God was there and I was unholy. I couldn't stand in the presence of the Lord with false pretense. And God sent the spirit of freedom to restore my soul. You see, our church Pastors in our community had been praying for a movement like this for the last 4 years

And it changed my life.

Sunday changed my life, it changed my mind about our role in ministry, and I left my exit strategy at the door. I have no idea what Heaven is like but in an instant God showed how He redeemed our last two years, how he reconciled my family and is creating a new purpose out a pure heart. He washed me clean by exposing those wounds and it was painful, but beautiful, hopeful. He continues to fulfill His promises. Isn't that incredible? We are not abandoned, Praise His Name!

The night continued with total freedom in the Spirit, being prayed over in different languages, crying out without judgement, speaking about the Holiness and Goodness of God, and we were lead by such dear men of faith. It changed my view of God, my community, my husband, my family, myself. And we shared it as the Body of Christ. And to do it together non-denominationally, well, that never happens. To be given the gift of seeing my husband be a part was significant. I miss that our part of our lives like I never thought I would and I wasn't even a part of Common Ground.

I will probably continue to post more about the ONE Movement. Please make it a priority to be a part of what God has ordained in our city. If your church is not involved, please ask about it or just check it out for yourself. I'll sit with you! Please be in prayer for our TEXOMA community and those leading out in this. Peace & Grace.

http://churchoftexoma.com