Packing, Bridal Portraits, & Dumpster Diving!

Well, we are 52 days away and you know what that means...PACKING! I hate packing. It has been a little tough going through pictures, cards, & things from my grandmother. I cried alot and it helps. This has been the most stressful 3 months...Lita dying, work, re-planning an entire wedding, my family being displaced, moving, and just trying to be normal. My heart is broken over so many things and I feel that I have very little to give to Josh and my friends. Honestly, I break down in tears over something everyday and they are not tears of joy. I was upset this morning over the bridal shoot today, mine by the way, because my Lita won't ever see me in the dress. I had planned to have her at the shoot to see how its all done. While everything is a once in a lifetime memory, it just pains me that she won't be there. I have tried to put myself back together and it is just too much. She has actually been gone 3 months today.

My mom, aunt, and girl cousins have been my hope these last few weeks. Kari is hosting our reception and the girls are helping so much with the wedding. I love them so much and I will repay their kindness somehow. There would not be a wedding without them and they understand if I break down here and there. It is such a paradox that I am supposed to be so happy as a Bride and it is such a different circumstance. My dad and stepmom have been there. They have cried with me so much. I have never felt so loved and it is hard for me to accept that. I am proud and stubborn. And something has to be said about Saint Joshua. It is the good, bad, and ugly with me everyday. He is just like Lito. We pray together more than once a day now and I try to stay in a constant state of prayer. We need it. And God knows what we need in a partner. I am astounded by God's provision. If he still wants to marry me after all of this then I can't stop him. This is pretty intense marriage counseling, but we are learning about what to do in crisis and enjoying calm days. I want to be clear that I don't post the things on my blog for sympathy. I do so for others who might need to talk to someone about going through difficulties. I would recommend calling on the Name of Jesus. Just say His Name. We are not made to handle things like this on our own. Don't try to keep it in. Share it.

I am excited about the Bridal Shoot today. I won't be able to post any pictures, but I did take a couple photos of the bouquet I am using. Its a little different from the what I will have on our wedding day, but it was fun to make!


Oh and in my packing and cleaning yesterday, I believe I threw out some of our wedding money that we got at a recent shower. So I'm off to dig in our huge trash for the stuff. I am so mad at myself for doing it and hopefully I will find it, if not, then it has to be somewhere in the house. I am much more organized than this. UGH! Oh well, atleast I get to feel glamourous later. Ha! Joshua says he loves me even though I dig through garbage. Double HA!