Anything is Possible

I was talking to a friend at church on Sunday about the January fog I've been experiencing. It's cold and dreary and frankly, a bit depressing. And though I've had so many projects to work on, it's been a bit of a chore to find inspiration for my work. Yes, I could read more books or watch more movies, but I have to be keenly aware of mimicking the work of other people. And so I've resorted to listening to country music. It makes me happy for no good reason and it is more drama than a reality tv show.

The point is I'm realizing that I have to do whatever it takes to makes this happen and its difficult to be optimistic all the time because I am really a pessimist or maybe I just think I am. It's just so hard to trust and wait. And I am as positive as I possibly can be, but it's more to convince myself than anybody else.

About 7 years ago, my advisor at Baylor told me that I would never make it in college. She asked what I wanted to be and I told her that I needed to be a writer and she said that it would not be possible. I guess she was right at the time, because I couldn't read and retain any kind of information. And after lots of exhaustive testing, it was determined that I read on a 3rd grade level with no comprehension skills and I had A.D.D. It was most difficult time in my life, but I had so much support from friends, family and the will to work that it finally all made sense and I went back to Baylor to give it another shot and I made it with God's grace.

And I can't help but feel this is a similar situation. I have everything I need, I just have to change my mind and pray for more faith. And God will be honored because he has given me this time and passion to work. I just want to be who He desires me to be. I don't want to miss opportunities or disappoint Him or belittle His sacrifice. I want to be as faithful to Him as He is to me.

Family Dinner

Fact: The January Family Dinner was fantastic
Fact: The cupcakes were a hit and the cupcake carrier :)
Fact: Adam is hoping for a wedding or a funeral so Josh will come home (how are these boys married?)
Fact: Single people are still interrogated about their personal lives
Fact: I will never be good a speed pool
Fact: I'm so glad some things will never change

Speed Pool (circa 1998)
I was the first one to get schooled in speed pool although I hadn't played since college. And as brothers usually show no mercy, I was the first to walk out in protest of the game!

Jessica Garza Photography!

Please check out the new wedding section and the blog! http://web.mac.com/jessicagarza
Don't be afraid to post comments!!!

Read This!

Hey Friends!
Here a couple of great reading recommendations! They are great men, colleagues, and friends. Please give them your consideration!

jake's dallas visit!

well, my brother's first official trip to dallas without parents was a great success! unfortunately, i was sick as a dog and we spent most of the time drugged on allergy meds but regardless, we saw dallas together. we picked him up on friday night and treated him to his favorite meal...chicken crispers at chili's of course! and saturday morning we packed up and road downtown on the rail. he loved every minute! we made it downtown to the convention center for my sis's volleyball tourny, watched a couple of matches and were on a way again. we stopped at the west end to eat at the spaghetti warehouse and walk around. i was miserable by that time so we hopped on the rail again and headed home. we put on our pj's at 5pm and commenced our movie marathon of ratatouille, napoleon dynamite, and pirates of the caribbean! and regardless of the way i was feeling or how he thought the weekend was going to go, we had a great time because we always have a good time. i am so grateful to have such a close relationship with Jake because of the 15 year age difference...He is a great guy, so sweet and kind and he believes in us so much...even when we disappoint him. he deserved a better weekend but it happened the way it was supposed to. i think his next visit will last a little longer.

on the way to the airport, my brother said that he thought i had a really exciting life. "You go and take pictures all over the US and you live in a big city. You're even writing a book!"
to which i responded that it doesn't seem nearly that exciting and he responded by saying, "sissy, i think you're a big deal and you are doing great things. not everyone has a big sister who lives their dreams."

not much else to say after that but i do everything i can to please the Lord and my family and i am just grateful that someone has noticed. i will always be Jake's biggest and loudest fan.

My 12 days of Christmas

It came as a shock to me that I spent 20 out of 31 days traveling in the month of December. The first trip being to Galveston to see my family, then to Fort Worth for a couple of days for wedding #1. I was home for the next two weeks where I was able to complete the 3rd draft of my book, getting it ready for an editor and agent. We then managed to make it the Santa Barbara, California area for wedding #2 and one of the best times we've had as a family. After our trip, I had less than 12 hours to make it to the Galveston area again to visit my family for Christmas and New Years. I had the pleasure of being away from home for 12 days over the Christmas Holiday and it was fabulous.

New for 2008, I am aggressively pursuing life as a photographer and have exciting ideas about developing products for everyone to enjoy in the future. I am also seeking the best advice and options for publishing my book. I believe I will have to work more diligently than I have in my entire life, but I continue my quest to live the dream as God instructs me. He is Good and His Love Endures!

Here are a few pictures from the last month:

my babies

you would definitely have to ask my brother and sister whether they hate having their picture taken or not, but big sister doesn't normally give them a choice. these are a funny little pictures that I liked best from my week down in big ol TC! and in my defense they say that i'm not nearly as bossy as i used to be...we'll see how long that lasts.

i really cannot believe how much they've grown in the last year, especially my brother. he remains the idea man in the family and gives us challenge after challenge. as for my sister, she has become my very best friend in the last year. i credit our close relationship to our little trip to the caribbean this past summer. regardless, i now understand the bond we share as sisters and only hope to get closer in the new year. God Bless my babies!
PS...Jenny, can you believe these are the same kids? We're so old!

galveston part 2

here's a few more photographs from my time on the beach and more from the strand.

galveston part 1

these are a few photographs of the places i love the most in galveston...the strand, my grandmother's house and the first church i ever attended. i will add more photographs soon! in the mean time, let me know what you think!

beautiful disaster

well...it has been an insane month and due to circumstances out of my control, i decided to walk away from the job i've loved for the last year. i still believe in the organization and what they do for children however i can't help but be disappointed in the decisions they are making when it comes to staff. and knowing i did nothing wrong, i can confidently say that i showed grace to those who chose to be not friends but enemies. it pains me a great deal to think that the instigator in all of this melodrama calls themselves an absolute lover of Christ. i can't pretend to know that person's heart, however, i know that it is not hidden from God. i believe that satan took joy in seeing me struggle but God has as always been my refuge and deliverer. i refuse to be angry, bitter, distraught, or scared of the future because God has given me more than a hope, but faith and a future. He placed this call on my life this time 5 years ago. it is encouraging to know that this month of absurdity has been brought to an end and i have more confidence in my God more than ever. i can't help but think this is an amazing opportunity and turning point in my life to achieve everything i've ever dreamt of and so i faithfully follow God's leading to publish my book and pursue photography full time. this is actually the second time in 2 years that i've quit my job to complete my writing work and being older and more willing to listen (probably not so wise), i embark on this journey. God has taught me how to love my enemies and bless and pray for them. i have learned how to fast and pray without ceasing. i have learned what it is to be mistrusted, gossiped about, and maybe even hated and it is not because of anything i did or said but because satan wanted a battle. i do not feel as though i have less dignity by walking away but more self control than those who began this unwarranted fight. and i wholeheartedly believe that i stood up for myself and my rights to not be harassed in the workplace any longer. and guys...if you ask a girl out at work and she says no, it doesn't mean you can wait it out...if no means no today, then that goes for tomorrow, too. life is hard enough...we don't all need to be enemies especially when its a last resort to keep ourselves busy. so i'm completely finished with this updated "mean girls" parody of my life. Anywho, my new boss is fabulous and she lets me wear hats to work.

i write this to show you that its not worth the interruption of being angry or self involved...that is such a dangerous, egotistical, little cocktail. we all have things to live for and i pray that it is Christ sooner rather than later. God save us all from ourselves...we are our own worst enemies. You are the only thing true and glorious in this life...please bless this humble attempt to do the right thing. love God love people.

and i thank you all for the constant encouragement and support through these few weeks. thank you for praying with me, crying with me, spending time, and not laughing at me...there are no words to express my gratitude. i am truly blessed to have your love and you have carried my burdens. and i have to thank my grandparents, mom, dad, other momma and my sister for dropping everything to be with me. you know the beat of my heart and i pray that i make you proud because you have made me all i am...i do not even know what it is to be malicious or untruthful and that is because of you. i always remain mindful that i have a brother and sister at home who learn from the things i experience. so i believe that God is glorified in this situation because he is right, just, and loving. and you have all been Christ to me. God bless you all.

cyclops

well it comes at no surprise that with the thanksgiving holiday coming up, i wanted to have a few amigos over to chill. being the aspiring hostess i am i set to work on a pumpkin cheesecake. i eagerly started working on the recipe and thankfully i accomplished my goal with a little snafu. apparently when i was unwrapping cream cheese in the foil package, i must have had a little piece of it on my hand or from the baking pan. well, when i went to wash my face later that evening, i somehow got the little shard of metal caught in my eye and it scratched the bottom of the eye pretty bad. needless to say i was not able to sleep very well sunday night and decided to make an appointment to see the optometrist. in a matter of a few minutes the doctor had put dye in my eye, numbed it, and finally found the culprit...a small yet painful piece of metal. what a day! i hope this is the only bump in the road this thanksgiving week. maybe i'll laugh about it when i don't have to put those eye drops in anymore. i am convinced that this kind of thing only happens to me!

soap box session

so i'm thinking that work is overrated however the kids aren't...lest we not forget the children and leave the pettiness behind but it is impossible to do when you only work with women. so much is lost on me.

in other news i was told that i was not so hip-hop yesterday. one of the witty little ones i work with made a comment about my belt not matching my shoes yesterday and in his defense they were part of an ensemble but they did not match exactly. well, the kiddo proceeded to tell me that i was not hip-hop but it might work on BET at which time another kiddo said that i should be on the BET awards this year...presenter, recipient...i don't know but i do know that they are hilarious and i love them dearly and it is all about them and no one else.

we are lucky to serve them and shape their futures and just because we have chosen this path does not make us good, but instead more a part of a larger life experience. just because we give clothes and donate toys does not mean that we above anyone...i wish we could understand that we are to bear one another's burdens and do unto others...i wish we could go and do and love and support and listen and sympathize and refrain from judging. we have to be the change. i will be the change i would like to see and to heck with the people who hate that...its not me they really hate. do the math...it will won't ever be about us...let's think beyond ourselves...it might makes us all less petty.

1st Anniversary

As you can probably imagine, work was absolutely insane today. It was during a very tense situation that I realized I actually had been doing this social work thing for a year...crazy. I NEVER intended to be anything other than a writer, but this has been one good year. Yes, there have been ups and downs, but it has been worth it to see little people succeed in school. And I am reminded just how desperate people really are who do not know Christ...it can get a little too real sometimes. But we have to do for people whether they may make a good decision or not, we have to give to them. We can't possibly know if someone is worthy of help, we don't have the power to pass judgment on a situation, but if we help them see that they have options and support then they will eventually acknowledge an alternative. Its difficult to give to people who sometimes think that the world is out to get them, but I'm so thankful that my job doesn't give me a choice in the matter. This job is completely about everyone else but me...I need to remember that.

Cue the "We Are the World" Music...It's Real!

circa 1991

grace is an amazing opportunity to realize that forgiveness is beautiful. in 1991, my dad essentially stopped being my dad as i knew him. he became someone else...a husband to a new woman, a father to a new girl, and a stranger to me. and it has taken discussions, tears, phone calls, visits, and countless prayers to restore our relationship. it actually began to mend when i was a junior in college because i started to let go of the resentment and accept that i could not change the past. thankfully, my dad has in the last year or so let go of stress and become a man who leads his family by example. God has brought us back together and for the first time in 10 years, we went to church as a family this passed weekend. i never thought that the Lord would dream a new beginning for us, but we either all get on board or let it pass us by. we are all in this together, not because of passed mistakes, but instead to witness the intense mercy and love of Christ. His love endures forever.

The Patch

this was taken saturday at the arboretum. i can't believe we had never been to a pumpkin patch before. this is the greatest time of the year!

sound bite

Here is the Randomness of the Week:

"You're an Ugly Pony!"

"Do you date 4's or 5's?"
"I mostly date homeless 5's but they have to have a beard"

"Barrio Crazy"

"It's Real" - Apparently this only makes sense in Louisiana...trust me, i tried it out and it did not happen for me.

I know that these are all unique to circumstances but i had to share them because they make me laugh so hard. I was actually writing an email today when I started laughing out loud at the "ugly pony" comment. i'm sure i will have more next week...until then...

turn, turn, turn

i spent saturday afternoon celebrating my 95 year old aunt’s birthday. incredible. i have yet to see anyone so happy to light candles, see cake, be thankful for life in general and i believe that she gets it. there is always a bit of tension between my grandmother and her sister because as many 95 year old women often do, she forgets things...important things like her husband dying, accusing people of stealing from her, forgetting where she should go next, but yet she lives and lives well.

as we were singing happy birthday and i snapped away as always (my granddaddy hired me to chronicle the event), i began to think about the first person that who displayed that kind of passion...Mary...yes, Mary Taft was an amazing girl who became my first friend when i moved to carrollton. it was the first day of 4th grade and i was a nobody...a chubby nobody at that, and i sat next to Mary by choice. she had her white-ish, blonde hair pulled back in a long braid, she wore a red dress and had something no one else in the class had...an oxygen tank. Mary had cystic fibrosis, but she loved life. over the next few years we went to the movies, had parties, formed secret societies, and had sleepovers. i learned about breathing levels, feeding tubes, lung transplants and friendship...she had it all. we were in the grocery store when the news came. my nemesis and foe walked right up to us and said Mary was dead...she had passed away on friday and it was sunday. i just remember collapsing inside my mother’s arms. she lead me through the checkout line, her hands over my ears as i stood and cried uncontrollably.

later we found out that Mary’s lung transplant was a success. she learned to swim for the first time in her life, she was able to rollerblade and run...she had truly been able to do it all in such a short period of time. she lived well. and today after all the good stories and plethora of hugs and kisses, i could see my aunt lydia and that familiar sense of self that though she knew she wouldn’t be around forever, she was living now, in the present...what a great thing to see.

just as a side note...i knocked my nemesis’ front teeth out on the playground the next year...a complete accident...she’s not a walking toothless wonder though; she had them fixed. yeah, she’s in the book.

what now?

so i’ve never listened to a book on tape at any point during my life. don’t know why...just didn’t see the need. i think it was probably the inability to connect with a person reading an author’s work. and so i am listening to Sex God from rob bell...i finally had to turn it off today because i was having such an intense, personal examination around 7:45am...a little dangerous for this girl. but praise God for letting me think about personality, generalizations, and the human condition...my own depravity. and there is such a need for a reminder of just how amazing this relationship between God and his creation really is. it is so much of a mystery. the very possibility that i would bring God joy...too much.

i have friends who are finally expecting the arrival of a baby within the next few days and i begin to think about how their lives have truly changed because of this new, beautiful preparation. and as marriage and children get closer and closer to me, my friends, i feel the need to explore more of my role as a woman as God intended it to be...what he designed me for. i never thought it would be possible for me to love children so much and everyone time it happens its like i step outside of myself and into a loving light...it is so much different than any way i have ever been...it is new.

i feel like i know everything...about myself, everyone, you...truly arrogant...i don’t...i don’t know anything because i am learning so much about my heart that i never knew existed...there is patience everyday. so i’m not ashamed to say that this is all new but it is like home to me. i’ve always been so afraid of wanting to be a mom...i don’t know why...maybe i just wanted to be cool...or i just didn’t think i could do it as well as it needed to be done...so we’ll see. i’m not so afraid of that anymore. how could i not want that in my life?

ice cream sandwhich!

i'm totally related to the guy who would get an ice cream sandwhich tattooed on his leg! if only i were as dedicated! seriously!

city slickers

well...we made it back from our little family camping trip...it was actually our family reunion with 200 relatives no less. yes, we have a HUGE family and we did it right this time. of course there were ants in our bed, fights with my grandparents, and hours of sweating it out in the sun watching horse shoes and vollleyball, but we survived! thank goodness its all over until next labor day weekend. i've never worked so hard and not gotten paid for it, but it was worth it as i type on my lovely apple computer in my air conditioned house. i did manage to take a few photos of the weekend. the new babies make it all worth the effort. enjoy the kids carnival!