tired

oooh...it's been an extremely long monday that ended about 4am and began at this morning 10am. i wish i could do something to stop this rat race, but it has been difficult lately. yesterday was fun though...i was able to take a few pictures of my friend lee and his brother...it was an interesting shoot and one that i probably won't forget. i post this picture, complete with teacher face, to show that i hate having my picture taken most of the time. this definitely changes things for those of you who think i'm photogenic!

i should be asleep!

well, for the first time in a long while i'm a little too excited to sleep. i had the best night at family dinner. for those of you who don't know about our family dinners, they are epic and super important to the friends i've grown up with! i've had the same friends for the last 12 years or so and we are more like brothers and sisters at this point. and now things are really changing with people moving out of state, going to iraq, and just growing up in general. we've all been through alot in the last few months with the first baby to have come and gone in what seems like a breath. we all need each other as much as we did when we were 16 years old and it is good to have a place to call home. today we celebrated Jeremy's new puppy, Jake! i must've held that little guy for about an hour while he slept. i absolutely adore this family that we've made and it will never leave me no matter where i am. i am so lucky to have everything i need.

i'm also super pumped about spending the next 2 weeks with joshua! that's right people--we're taking a road trip down to meet the family in good old t.c. i really can't believe it! it should be a fabulous time of family and i hope he doesn't hold their weirdness against me and i just hope they can hold it together for their guest. i hate to say that they operate on a totally different side of normal...more like panic mode...but it should go well. i just can't believe that we will get to be together for 3 weeks in may. i can't wait. so i'll basically be traveling for the next 2 weeks. yay! i love this! p.s. i've never brought a guy home to meet my dad...pray for us if the thought crosses your mind!

Last Week

Wahoo! Last week was a little insane because I did my first band trip, but it was awesome! I had so much fun and the guys were so kind. We made it to the Memphis area without any major glitches although we had a rough start. The time at Trinity was great and it was good to have a preview of camp with Larsen. I also stayed with the Kirks again! I have been so lucky to see the First Carrollton fam so much in the last couple of months. I miss them so much!

And I do have to say that it is a bit of an adjustment to see Josh play on stage although I've seen him plenty of times. I guess its just that when I think of him, I don't immediately think, Josh from the CGB, but about him as a person and not what he does for a living. He is pretty amazing and I love him.

Dallas Visit

Joshua came to visit two weeks ago and we had a wonderful time although the time was too short! I guess I like these pictures because they're normal life and I like routine. I also like the pic of Josh because it was the first time he drove my car and I made him not only drive on the Bush Turnpike, but the Tollway, too. It was a little funny and yes, I know I cut his head off.

Lito turns 81!

Well, my grandfather turned 81 years old a few days ago and to make things more interesting, we lit it up...literally! I stole the idea but we did have mini 81 candle bonfire. There was a little hesitation before we lit the thing up, but it was fun and Lito's expression was priceless. It was a great time!

Well, the trip to Louisiana was fabulous. I loved every minute and was so sad to go home. Although the distant is just for a season, I need to not look at it as an obstacle, but be instead as a positive. I want to enjoy every moment and the miles between us makes me acknowledge that.

I did have my first experience with Louisiana food and miraculously, I somehow lost weight last week. I finally ate at Copeland's for the first time! It was awesome. We ate corn crab bisque and blackened catfish with red potatoes. I also had crawfish, duck, and gumbo for the first time. Yes, it is a miracle that I lost weight. And there we desserts a plenty. I can't believe I was such a pig. I will probably do it all again though, but only in Louisiana.

It was just a great time to do life together for a while. There was nothing quite like driving through Louisiana listening to the Black Crowes and watching my aviator-wearing man sing along. Those types of snapshots are so good for my soul. I'm so blessed.
Birthday Cake!

Discussion of music
Joshua's mean face...I think its pretty cute :)
My Fave! He's so precious!

Life

So I've haven't had a chance to do to much in the way of blogging the last few days. I've had plenty of thoughts, but no desire to share them...stingy me. I am currently in Alexandria, Louisiana listening to a band rehearsal and stealing a little wi-fi...maybe not stealing. The trip has been great so far. Yesterday we were in Shreveport, Ruston, and Ball, Louisiana. We stopped along the way for me to meet some new friends! I feel like I don't make very good first impressions on people, but everyone has their shortcomings. Hopefully, next time will be better and more relaxed on my part.

I did have Copeland's today for first time. God Bless the state of Louisiana and the fine people who actually know how to cook! It was a lovely meal. I shamelessly ate crab bisque, a caesar salad, and blackened catfish...well, Josh and I split it. Yay for having a new favorite restaurant!

And I finally saw Jenny for the first time in 3 months. I'm such a bad friend! We had so much fun at lunch and I hope to see her on Monday again! She's having an art show next month and I'll post more details on it later. Trust me, its totally worth a drive out to Tyler to see her work!

My grandmother is doing well after being out of the hospital for almost a week! We did switch all of her new doctors back to the doctors she had previously. After some Doogie Howser wanna-be almost did an insane amount of damage to her heart a couple of weeks ago during a routine stress test. We believe we know what the source of internal bleeding, too! We are so thankful to her *new* old doctors. She has been to the beauty shop to have her hair done and to Wal-Mart as well. She is still working on my granddaddy for cable, but she did just get a flat screen tv! We watched a suspense thriller on Easter as a family...Yeah, we know how wrong how that is, but it was a good flick.

So that's life for a Thursday night...God is Great!

thoughts

In preparation for our gathering tonight, I had to re-read my book. So far I have to say that I haven't connected with it as much as others. But it made me think this afternoon about church culture, secret sin, labels, and being a friend of sinners. A little more than a year ago, I was asked to speak to our student ministry at Carrollton. Reid gave me the topic I was supposed to cover and I could've spoken about it, but that would be too easy. I guess after seeing so many marginalized people in my work life and with the Corbins being who they are, I decided to speak without preparing.

As I spoke, I could see a few of the kids expressions. They looked uncomfortable and I could feel it. I began to speak about things that were only difficult to live through, but hard to hear. And I didn't get any positive response back, there was no warmth, only true examples of the life Christ changed. In those few minutes, I feel like I changed the way those kids would look at me forever not because of what I did but because I was honest about my struggles. I no longer held the title of "having it together". And I feel like the less we know about people, the better we feel about our own failures because there is less of a connection. And that is precisely why we don't serve people because if we saw the needs in others, we wouldn't be able to ignore how close we all are to being them or accepting the fact that we have issues with getting our own junk together. (I'm assuming that we are thinking we are better than the people we're serving...its an American mindset).

After speaking, I sat down at the base of the stairwell and processed a bit. I didn't know if I had done the right thing. Shortly after, Tim came and sat down beside me. He put is arm around me and said, "You've done well, Jess. I'm proud of you." About 5 minutes later, he offered me a job. Its not so scary to put things out there. I'm no illusionist and don't care to be one.

Wednesday Update!

Hey Friends! Lita was moved out of ICU this morning and into a private room! It is amazing news! She is returning to her speedy racer ways! We are pumped for her. Thank you for all of the prayers! Her greatest hope is to be home for Easter and we pray that happens!

In other weird news, if American Idol can allow talentless people butcher Beatles songs, then I can listen to Britney Spears. Gimme More Ya'll! I post this with confidence because I spent the morning listening to The Black Crowes while working. I guess thats what happens when your musician-boyfriend finally shows you what music should sound like. Poor Brit's days are numbered with me.

Monday::Intensive Care

Well...Lita is pretty much stable although the doctors are worried about possible leakage from enzymes around her heart. They know what they're doing and I don't so I'll just let them put their years of schooling to work. They would like to do a procedure on her and we are assured that her body can take it. I'm not sure what to think because it was a stress test that got us into this mess in the first place. They need to find the source of the internal bleeding and hopefully this will be part of the solution.

Super Lita has had it with the non-communication portion of ICU and is proposing that my granddaddy smuggle in a cell phone for her. She doesn't want people to call her, but she is sure she needs it to contact us. I can definitely understand her point, but the lady loves to chat and I'm afraid they're going to confiscate it like they did her hairbrushes. Update: They took the second hairbrush and we got her a comb and she says its not the same. Let the woman have a brush! She's flipping 85 years old! She has a secret stash of goodies now and hopefully Sandra won't happen upon it.

Super Lita also has an issue with the food they are serving her. Mother is on a mission to sneak a few things in for her, but again, I am afraid Sandra will bust up the entire operation. I wouldn't eat the crap they are serving her either. She needs a good hamburger. I'll let you know what develops, but this has fiasco written all over it. Its times like this that I'm glad I write from personal experience because these cute little anecdotes write themselves.

I'll be at the hospital by 10am tomorrow to spend some time with her. Somehow I don't quite feel old enough to walk through an ICU wing by myself. I remember how scared I used to be of that part of the hospital, but now its different. I feel like I have to make her feel comfortable there, but then again there has always been a familiarity between the two of us that is different from the rest of the family. When no one is looking, I rest on her bed. I know thats a huge no-no, but thats all I really have now so I don't really think its a terrible thing to break the rules. Besides, she has climbed into my hospital bed plenty of times and its my turn now. She gets more beautiful by the day. And the way my Lito loves her is indescribable. The staff has allowed him to stay with her as long as he wants and we are grateful for that. I feel like my heart expands more every day, but part of it just hurts because I know the ending. And I guess I don't really get to talk about this too much because there are other things to occupy my thoughts. She knows how much I adore her...I do adore her.

Sunday::Intensive Care

Super Lita continues to make a comeback. Today we were able to enjoy the Mavs game together and that was quite an experience to keep her quiet in the Intensive Care Unit. What can we say? She loves her Mavs! Thankfully, it wasn't too much of a nail biter because El Miami Heat stink like dirty feet.

We do know what is wrong with her now although I do not feel the need to share that at this time. It was great to have her doctor personally call my Mom to tell her about Lita's condition. Lita and I actually prayed about that at lunch time and to see it happen was unbelievable! I also let her keep my hot pink Bible today because they couldn't find one for her. She likes to tell all the nurses that her granddaughter studies out of a hot pink Bible. Hot pink is not unholy!

And now for the big story of the day! After her "bird bath" this morning, Nurse Sandra brushed her hair and then made off with her hairbrush. I believe she has filed a report with ICU security. My mother graciously gave her a brush although it is not the same and we have mourned the loss and continue to hope for the best. We are grateful to Sandra but Super Lita calls her a thief now and says that Sandra's hair is always freshly brushed. God is continuing to do a great work in our family and we thank Him for it.

SaturdayNight::Intensive Care

Well, it has been a long, intense day, but I am glad to share that Lita is doing much better! She is stable and her blood levels as well as her blood pressure is great! She has requested that I visit her tomorrow for lunch and then again at dinner time to watch part of the Mavs game with together!

My granddaddy is feeling much better as a result of Lita's great progress. We have had the pleasure of eating every meal together as an extended family today and look forward to that again tomorrow. Lito has kept Lita laughing and occupied with stories and his jokes as always. (I highly recommend checking out Reader's Digest for new material). It has been a blessing to have everyone here. God is good.

Saturday::Intensive Care

My lita was moved into ICU this afternoon because she was having difficulty breathing, high blood pressure, and a possible heart attack. She is receiving a transfusion and she is looking much better.

She is so upset that she was moved into ICU and has been very emotional about it as most would expect. It has been difficult to watch as a family, but we are more confident in the Lord than ever and ask that you pray with us for Lita's health. She is so physically tired, but mentally strong. The Lord knows all of our concerns. Thanks & love ya'll.

Wednesday Afternoon

I don't believe it was a smart idea to order a Green Tea Latte at Starbucks tonight, but I have been reflecting on the day and the boss will probably be cool if I sleep a little late. It was a great day to spend time with Josh and his family. I thank God for allowing us to have that time especially since we've been able to see each other for the last 3 weeks while living in Texas & Louisiana! I am really digging the pictures and this just goes to show you that there is beauty in the simplest of things!

charlie

i'm in love with the dog i'm house sitting. we enjoy taking long walks and spending quality time together. he even jumps up to give me hugs. he's pretty great and i don't want to give him back. he will be staying with us for a few more days!

Wednesday

i've tried writing a blog on this topic for a few days now and it still doesn't seem to come as easy to me as i hoped. trust me, i have plenty to say, but i feel as though it is more important to keep some things private for privacy sake. i am excited and a little overwhelmed, but more so in awe of the Father's love for us and His plans.

My life is completely different than it was 3 months ago...completely new! And I know that it might be wrong to say it, but if this is as good as it gets, then I have more than I need or want. Trust me, I still ask for my share of blessings, wisdom, and some crazy stuff on the side, but this is enough. I guess I am trying to enjoy what I have now instead of asking for more. It will all come with time and those will be great days, but I am joyfully content in what God has bestowed upon me. I want to enjoy this part of the journey. The Father continues to surprise me everyday and I won't ever be worthy of it...that's His Love.

Today was such a great day! I really can't believe it! Wednesday is my new favorite day of the week. Every girl should be so lucky.

political change

I had the opportunity to hear Barack Obama speak on Monday evening and I came away with the feeling that politicians are just...politicians. Our last question of the night came from a young lady who seemed desperate for some kind of change in her life.

"I don't know how to do this!" She said. "I need something else to keep me in this."

I wanted to grab her by the hand and put my arms around her. She was bold to share this with the crowd. And Obama didn't have too much encouragement to give her. He instead shared his campaign slogan again and walked off the stage.

What would you tell that girl? Would you say you need to meet the One who created for a beautiful purpose or would you say, "vote for me and we'll figure it out". I realize the context of the event, but there is always time for love. And she needs it. We all need it.

Intimacy is the longing of my heart, Lord, of this heart.

No Place Like Home

Last week, the Lord took a precious baby back home to be with Him. She was 3 months old. I do not begin to understand the perfect ways of His Plan, but I do know that He is rich in mercy and love. I ask that you pray for Kristi & Drew during this time of immeasurable loss. It is heartbreaking to watch a family endure this. Pray that God would do MIRACLES in their lives. Pray that they would be awed by the Lord's holiness and peace. God's love is enough and He will set them free again because He did it once, He will continue on.

Tonight our precious Aunt Susan won her battle over cancer when the Lord called her home at 6:00 p.m. She was given 2 months almost to the day, to make the most of her life. I would love to share a story or memory of her and I do have them, but I just can't because it means that she is really gone and until I see it, it doesn't exist. I know that I just wrote that God's love is enough and we have to let it be so, but it's difficult. She is free, beautiful, and completely healed. We need to rejoice in her final healing. I cannot tell you how much she means to our family. What a testimony of faithfulness and joy. I always tried to mimc her laugh although I couldn't quite get it right. Please pray for her husband, 2 sons, and granddaughter. Please keep her parents and her brothers as well as their families in your prayers as they are understandably overwhelmed and broken over this. Oh Love, be gracious to us. Your love endures forever.

Thank you to my sweet, baby sister for giving me the news in such a kind way. The Lord has given you compassion and empathy beyond your years and I am proud of you. I love you more today than I ever could.

En Fuego

I have to start this by admitting the Goodness and Grandeur of The Creator and Father of all things. He found us where we were this weekend and moved us to action, repentance, and service. It is amazing that God can fight for us, carry us, and walk with us all at once and I was a witness. I would like to give concrete examples of what He has done, but they seem too general and I am still attempting to process them.

We witnessed the search for purity and holiness as well as recognizing the redemptive blood of Christ Jesus who saves us from the filthiest sin. We found that serving is the beauty that our hearts yearn in order for us to be more like Christ. We also encountered the need to share our deepest hurts in order to set others free from their struggles.

I now understand the Celebration of God's Comforting Presence in the most painful and heartbreaking situations. I understand the need to pray for wisdom and readiness to share The Gospel. I found that being a listening ear is better than all the compliments in the world. I learned to pray for the holiness and purity of the children that I haven't been entrusted to raise yet. And I realized that only good things come from The Fire although it will be incredibly difficult to endure.

Baylor

The quick trip to Baylor was work, but it was a fantastic time. I enjoyed every minute! My brief lecture was a success and the kids were quite receptive. They asked more questions than I expected during the Q&A. And Darden paid me the compliment of being a natural storyteller when I speak. I would normally shrug that compliment off like I do everything else, but it means something.

I met with Darden to discuss the manuscript and he says the book is done. I am probably 2 edits from being completely finished and he is encouraged by the fact that it is commercial quality a.k.a. it might possibly attract a large publishing house. There is still work to be done and once I get back from Mississippi, I will spend my time making the changes that would benefit the story.

It was completely inspiring to hear about the successes of Darden's former students and his own achievements. He has recently met with TWO Pulitzer Prize Winners (Civil Rights Movement) to begin work on a project dealing with Black Gospel Music in the Civil Rights Era. Two of his former students have received great acclaim for their film, 3:10 to Yuma and those guys are working on their next project with Morgan Freeman. Incidentally, the guys always use Darden's name in their films and Morgan Freeman is scripted to use his name next. My other colleague, Jonathan is working on a grant to write while finishing up a writing fellowship which he cannot give any information about. I will receive his screenplay and novel in June to give him feedback on which should see publishing first. The work is absolutely brilliant and is a much better love story than that of The Notebook. Darden says he is more tender-hearted than ever and it shows through in his work. We are planning a one day Writing Workshop to get the kids together again and give critique on what we are working on. I do not understand how I can be seen in the same class as these guys, but I do like the work. Darden congratulated me on staying away from marriage as a means to give purpose to an aimless life...I guess some girls at Baylor just go there to find a husband although none of my friends did.

After I begin sending query letters out for my book, I will begin work on my next project. It will require some traveling and countless hours of research, however, this would be the project that would solidify my voice in the genre as serious and dedicated. I actually began research in 2005 and find it is the right time to move forward with it. If the book is published and well received, I will begin to think about a screenplay adaptation, but I would want to work on that.

So that was the working part of the trip. Mom and I had a great time shopping at Spice! We also ate at Ninfa's! I was telling Joshua that I really didn't understand why we were all so chunky in college and now I understand! We ate at Ninfa's, Gratzianos, Rudy's, and Dairy Queen all the flipping time! And we ran the Bear Trail and walked to class! Oh well, at least we had fun!

It was definitely great to go home again!