Well, the trip to Louisiana was fabulous. I loved every minute and was so sad to go home. Although the distant is just for a season, I need to not look at it as an obstacle, but be instead as a positive. I want to enjoy every moment and the miles between us makes me acknowledge that.

I did have my first experience with Louisiana food and miraculously, I somehow lost weight last week. I finally ate at Copeland's for the first time! It was awesome. We ate corn crab bisque and blackened catfish with red potatoes. I also had crawfish, duck, and gumbo for the first time. Yes, it is a miracle that I lost weight. And there we desserts a plenty. I can't believe I was such a pig. I will probably do it all again though, but only in Louisiana.

It was just a great time to do life together for a while. There was nothing quite like driving through Louisiana listening to the Black Crowes and watching my aviator-wearing man sing along. Those types of snapshots are so good for my soul. I'm so blessed.
Birthday Cake!

Discussion of music
Joshua's mean face...I think its pretty cute :)
My Fave! He's so precious!

Life

So I've haven't had a chance to do to much in the way of blogging the last few days. I've had plenty of thoughts, but no desire to share them...stingy me. I am currently in Alexandria, Louisiana listening to a band rehearsal and stealing a little wi-fi...maybe not stealing. The trip has been great so far. Yesterday we were in Shreveport, Ruston, and Ball, Louisiana. We stopped along the way for me to meet some new friends! I feel like I don't make very good first impressions on people, but everyone has their shortcomings. Hopefully, next time will be better and more relaxed on my part.

I did have Copeland's today for first time. God Bless the state of Louisiana and the fine people who actually know how to cook! It was a lovely meal. I shamelessly ate crab bisque, a caesar salad, and blackened catfish...well, Josh and I split it. Yay for having a new favorite restaurant!

And I finally saw Jenny for the first time in 3 months. I'm such a bad friend! We had so much fun at lunch and I hope to see her on Monday again! She's having an art show next month and I'll post more details on it later. Trust me, its totally worth a drive out to Tyler to see her work!

My grandmother is doing well after being out of the hospital for almost a week! We did switch all of her new doctors back to the doctors she had previously. After some Doogie Howser wanna-be almost did an insane amount of damage to her heart a couple of weeks ago during a routine stress test. We believe we know what the source of internal bleeding, too! We are so thankful to her *new* old doctors. She has been to the beauty shop to have her hair done and to Wal-Mart as well. She is still working on my granddaddy for cable, but she did just get a flat screen tv! We watched a suspense thriller on Easter as a family...Yeah, we know how wrong how that is, but it was a good flick.

So that's life for a Thursday night...God is Great!

thoughts

In preparation for our gathering tonight, I had to re-read my book. So far I have to say that I haven't connected with it as much as others. But it made me think this afternoon about church culture, secret sin, labels, and being a friend of sinners. A little more than a year ago, I was asked to speak to our student ministry at Carrollton. Reid gave me the topic I was supposed to cover and I could've spoken about it, but that would be too easy. I guess after seeing so many marginalized people in my work life and with the Corbins being who they are, I decided to speak without preparing.

As I spoke, I could see a few of the kids expressions. They looked uncomfortable and I could feel it. I began to speak about things that were only difficult to live through, but hard to hear. And I didn't get any positive response back, there was no warmth, only true examples of the life Christ changed. In those few minutes, I feel like I changed the way those kids would look at me forever not because of what I did but because I was honest about my struggles. I no longer held the title of "having it together". And I feel like the less we know about people, the better we feel about our own failures because there is less of a connection. And that is precisely why we don't serve people because if we saw the needs in others, we wouldn't be able to ignore how close we all are to being them or accepting the fact that we have issues with getting our own junk together. (I'm assuming that we are thinking we are better than the people we're serving...its an American mindset).

After speaking, I sat down at the base of the stairwell and processed a bit. I didn't know if I had done the right thing. Shortly after, Tim came and sat down beside me. He put is arm around me and said, "You've done well, Jess. I'm proud of you." About 5 minutes later, he offered me a job. Its not so scary to put things out there. I'm no illusionist and don't care to be one.

Wednesday Update!

Hey Friends! Lita was moved out of ICU this morning and into a private room! It is amazing news! She is returning to her speedy racer ways! We are pumped for her. Thank you for all of the prayers! Her greatest hope is to be home for Easter and we pray that happens!

In other weird news, if American Idol can allow talentless people butcher Beatles songs, then I can listen to Britney Spears. Gimme More Ya'll! I post this with confidence because I spent the morning listening to The Black Crowes while working. I guess thats what happens when your musician-boyfriend finally shows you what music should sound like. Poor Brit's days are numbered with me.

Monday::Intensive Care

Well...Lita is pretty much stable although the doctors are worried about possible leakage from enzymes around her heart. They know what they're doing and I don't so I'll just let them put their years of schooling to work. They would like to do a procedure on her and we are assured that her body can take it. I'm not sure what to think because it was a stress test that got us into this mess in the first place. They need to find the source of the internal bleeding and hopefully this will be part of the solution.

Super Lita has had it with the non-communication portion of ICU and is proposing that my granddaddy smuggle in a cell phone for her. She doesn't want people to call her, but she is sure she needs it to contact us. I can definitely understand her point, but the lady loves to chat and I'm afraid they're going to confiscate it like they did her hairbrushes. Update: They took the second hairbrush and we got her a comb and she says its not the same. Let the woman have a brush! She's flipping 85 years old! She has a secret stash of goodies now and hopefully Sandra won't happen upon it.

Super Lita also has an issue with the food they are serving her. Mother is on a mission to sneak a few things in for her, but again, I am afraid Sandra will bust up the entire operation. I wouldn't eat the crap they are serving her either. She needs a good hamburger. I'll let you know what develops, but this has fiasco written all over it. Its times like this that I'm glad I write from personal experience because these cute little anecdotes write themselves.

I'll be at the hospital by 10am tomorrow to spend some time with her. Somehow I don't quite feel old enough to walk through an ICU wing by myself. I remember how scared I used to be of that part of the hospital, but now its different. I feel like I have to make her feel comfortable there, but then again there has always been a familiarity between the two of us that is different from the rest of the family. When no one is looking, I rest on her bed. I know thats a huge no-no, but thats all I really have now so I don't really think its a terrible thing to break the rules. Besides, she has climbed into my hospital bed plenty of times and its my turn now. She gets more beautiful by the day. And the way my Lito loves her is indescribable. The staff has allowed him to stay with her as long as he wants and we are grateful for that. I feel like my heart expands more every day, but part of it just hurts because I know the ending. And I guess I don't really get to talk about this too much because there are other things to occupy my thoughts. She knows how much I adore her...I do adore her.

Sunday::Intensive Care

Super Lita continues to make a comeback. Today we were able to enjoy the Mavs game together and that was quite an experience to keep her quiet in the Intensive Care Unit. What can we say? She loves her Mavs! Thankfully, it wasn't too much of a nail biter because El Miami Heat stink like dirty feet.

We do know what is wrong with her now although I do not feel the need to share that at this time. It was great to have her doctor personally call my Mom to tell her about Lita's condition. Lita and I actually prayed about that at lunch time and to see it happen was unbelievable! I also let her keep my hot pink Bible today because they couldn't find one for her. She likes to tell all the nurses that her granddaughter studies out of a hot pink Bible. Hot pink is not unholy!

And now for the big story of the day! After her "bird bath" this morning, Nurse Sandra brushed her hair and then made off with her hairbrush. I believe she has filed a report with ICU security. My mother graciously gave her a brush although it is not the same and we have mourned the loss and continue to hope for the best. We are grateful to Sandra but Super Lita calls her a thief now and says that Sandra's hair is always freshly brushed. God is continuing to do a great work in our family and we thank Him for it.

SaturdayNight::Intensive Care

Well, it has been a long, intense day, but I am glad to share that Lita is doing much better! She is stable and her blood levels as well as her blood pressure is great! She has requested that I visit her tomorrow for lunch and then again at dinner time to watch part of the Mavs game with together!

My granddaddy is feeling much better as a result of Lita's great progress. We have had the pleasure of eating every meal together as an extended family today and look forward to that again tomorrow. Lito has kept Lita laughing and occupied with stories and his jokes as always. (I highly recommend checking out Reader's Digest for new material). It has been a blessing to have everyone here. God is good.

Saturday::Intensive Care

My lita was moved into ICU this afternoon because she was having difficulty breathing, high blood pressure, and a possible heart attack. She is receiving a transfusion and she is looking much better.

She is so upset that she was moved into ICU and has been very emotional about it as most would expect. It has been difficult to watch as a family, but we are more confident in the Lord than ever and ask that you pray with us for Lita's health. She is so physically tired, but mentally strong. The Lord knows all of our concerns. Thanks & love ya'll.

Wednesday Afternoon

I don't believe it was a smart idea to order a Green Tea Latte at Starbucks tonight, but I have been reflecting on the day and the boss will probably be cool if I sleep a little late. It was a great day to spend time with Josh and his family. I thank God for allowing us to have that time especially since we've been able to see each other for the last 3 weeks while living in Texas & Louisiana! I am really digging the pictures and this just goes to show you that there is beauty in the simplest of things!

charlie

i'm in love with the dog i'm house sitting. we enjoy taking long walks and spending quality time together. he even jumps up to give me hugs. he's pretty great and i don't want to give him back. he will be staying with us for a few more days!

Wednesday

i've tried writing a blog on this topic for a few days now and it still doesn't seem to come as easy to me as i hoped. trust me, i have plenty to say, but i feel as though it is more important to keep some things private for privacy sake. i am excited and a little overwhelmed, but more so in awe of the Father's love for us and His plans.

My life is completely different than it was 3 months ago...completely new! And I know that it might be wrong to say it, but if this is as good as it gets, then I have more than I need or want. Trust me, I still ask for my share of blessings, wisdom, and some crazy stuff on the side, but this is enough. I guess I am trying to enjoy what I have now instead of asking for more. It will all come with time and those will be great days, but I am joyfully content in what God has bestowed upon me. I want to enjoy this part of the journey. The Father continues to surprise me everyday and I won't ever be worthy of it...that's His Love.

Today was such a great day! I really can't believe it! Wednesday is my new favorite day of the week. Every girl should be so lucky.

political change

I had the opportunity to hear Barack Obama speak on Monday evening and I came away with the feeling that politicians are just...politicians. Our last question of the night came from a young lady who seemed desperate for some kind of change in her life.

"I don't know how to do this!" She said. "I need something else to keep me in this."

I wanted to grab her by the hand and put my arms around her. She was bold to share this with the crowd. And Obama didn't have too much encouragement to give her. He instead shared his campaign slogan again and walked off the stage.

What would you tell that girl? Would you say you need to meet the One who created for a beautiful purpose or would you say, "vote for me and we'll figure it out". I realize the context of the event, but there is always time for love. And she needs it. We all need it.

Intimacy is the longing of my heart, Lord, of this heart.

No Place Like Home

Last week, the Lord took a precious baby back home to be with Him. She was 3 months old. I do not begin to understand the perfect ways of His Plan, but I do know that He is rich in mercy and love. I ask that you pray for Kristi & Drew during this time of immeasurable loss. It is heartbreaking to watch a family endure this. Pray that God would do MIRACLES in their lives. Pray that they would be awed by the Lord's holiness and peace. God's love is enough and He will set them free again because He did it once, He will continue on.

Tonight our precious Aunt Susan won her battle over cancer when the Lord called her home at 6:00 p.m. She was given 2 months almost to the day, to make the most of her life. I would love to share a story or memory of her and I do have them, but I just can't because it means that she is really gone and until I see it, it doesn't exist. I know that I just wrote that God's love is enough and we have to let it be so, but it's difficult. She is free, beautiful, and completely healed. We need to rejoice in her final healing. I cannot tell you how much she means to our family. What a testimony of faithfulness and joy. I always tried to mimc her laugh although I couldn't quite get it right. Please pray for her husband, 2 sons, and granddaughter. Please keep her parents and her brothers as well as their families in your prayers as they are understandably overwhelmed and broken over this. Oh Love, be gracious to us. Your love endures forever.

Thank you to my sweet, baby sister for giving me the news in such a kind way. The Lord has given you compassion and empathy beyond your years and I am proud of you. I love you more today than I ever could.

En Fuego

I have to start this by admitting the Goodness and Grandeur of The Creator and Father of all things. He found us where we were this weekend and moved us to action, repentance, and service. It is amazing that God can fight for us, carry us, and walk with us all at once and I was a witness. I would like to give concrete examples of what He has done, but they seem too general and I am still attempting to process them.

We witnessed the search for purity and holiness as well as recognizing the redemptive blood of Christ Jesus who saves us from the filthiest sin. We found that serving is the beauty that our hearts yearn in order for us to be more like Christ. We also encountered the need to share our deepest hurts in order to set others free from their struggles.

I now understand the Celebration of God's Comforting Presence in the most painful and heartbreaking situations. I understand the need to pray for wisdom and readiness to share The Gospel. I found that being a listening ear is better than all the compliments in the world. I learned to pray for the holiness and purity of the children that I haven't been entrusted to raise yet. And I realized that only good things come from The Fire although it will be incredibly difficult to endure.

Baylor

The quick trip to Baylor was work, but it was a fantastic time. I enjoyed every minute! My brief lecture was a success and the kids were quite receptive. They asked more questions than I expected during the Q&A. And Darden paid me the compliment of being a natural storyteller when I speak. I would normally shrug that compliment off like I do everything else, but it means something.

I met with Darden to discuss the manuscript and he says the book is done. I am probably 2 edits from being completely finished and he is encouraged by the fact that it is commercial quality a.k.a. it might possibly attract a large publishing house. There is still work to be done and once I get back from Mississippi, I will spend my time making the changes that would benefit the story.

It was completely inspiring to hear about the successes of Darden's former students and his own achievements. He has recently met with TWO Pulitzer Prize Winners (Civil Rights Movement) to begin work on a project dealing with Black Gospel Music in the Civil Rights Era. Two of his former students have received great acclaim for their film, 3:10 to Yuma and those guys are working on their next project with Morgan Freeman. Incidentally, the guys always use Darden's name in their films and Morgan Freeman is scripted to use his name next. My other colleague, Jonathan is working on a grant to write while finishing up a writing fellowship which he cannot give any information about. I will receive his screenplay and novel in June to give him feedback on which should see publishing first. The work is absolutely brilliant and is a much better love story than that of The Notebook. Darden says he is more tender-hearted than ever and it shows through in his work. We are planning a one day Writing Workshop to get the kids together again and give critique on what we are working on. I do not understand how I can be seen in the same class as these guys, but I do like the work. Darden congratulated me on staying away from marriage as a means to give purpose to an aimless life...I guess some girls at Baylor just go there to find a husband although none of my friends did.

After I begin sending query letters out for my book, I will begin work on my next project. It will require some traveling and countless hours of research, however, this would be the project that would solidify my voice in the genre as serious and dedicated. I actually began research in 2005 and find it is the right time to move forward with it. If the book is published and well received, I will begin to think about a screenplay adaptation, but I would want to work on that.

So that was the working part of the trip. Mom and I had a great time shopping at Spice! We also ate at Ninfa's! I was telling Joshua that I really didn't understand why we were all so chunky in college and now I understand! We ate at Ninfa's, Gratzianos, Rudy's, and Dairy Queen all the flipping time! And we ran the Bear Trail and walked to class! Oh well, at least we had fun!

It was definitely great to go home again!

Hey Jealousy

So I've spent some time thinking about the recent changes in my life and it occurred to me that if I wasn't me, I would totally be jealous of the person who was me. I don't think that makes complete sense grammatically or otherwise! Point is that I am so thankful for the life I get to live...it's awesome and I forget that about a million times a day. I'm getting to do exactly what I want to do. I have constant support from family and friends and I need to remember that. Life is pretty amazing.

So Here's the Short List of Great Things I'm Thankful for this Week:
My Grandmother Virginia's Health
Traveling with Mom
A Plane Ride with Pelf
Baylor University!!!!
SPICE...I haven't even seen the expansion to the bottom floor
Visiting My Friends & Girls Night!
Communicating the Love of Christ!
DNow with new kiddos
Canon L Series Lenses
And sharing this stuff with someone before it hits the blog!

5 Miles

Since the month of January & February were so crazy, it's been a while since I actually worked out. I'm not one of those people who feels bad about themselves because they didn't put in their time at the gym...life is way too short for that. I work out because I like it. Its a hobby just like reading. And since this was the first time I stepped on a machine in a long time, I anticipated putting in my 30 minutes and getting out of there. I pushed play on my ipod and ran and ran and ran. I couldn't help myself. And an hour after I started, I had run 5 miles. I've never run 5 miles...ever! And I felt great the entire time. I doubt that kind of thing will happen everyday, but it was awesome. I feel clear and rested. And now I can finally focus on next week at Baylor and what God desires in Mississippi. It is going to be an amazing week and I'm more than excited!

Here's a little something pray about: 4 girls driving from Little Rock to Mississippi and only one of us has done it before. I'm sure we'll have stories! We're 6 days out!

Update on my Grandmother: She has been to see a few specialists and the prognosis is excellent. She even had her hair done for the first time in a month. She's looking fabulous! And she gave me great-grandmother's handmade blanket for Valentine's Day! Amazing!

Love!

"Only thing I ever could need, only one good thing worth trying to be and it’s Love" ~ Sara Bareilles

One Week

So it occurs to me that I'm supposed to speak at Baylor (Sic 'Em Bears) next week and I laugh because I'm nervous and I have no idea where to even begin. I am doing it as a favor to the most influential person in my writing career and therein lies the problem...pressure! Darden not only taught me everything I know about writing as a business, but as an art. He also taught me everything I know about film and so much about music. He used to work for Billboard (yes, Billboard) back in the day as a reviewer for Gospel music and R&B. His stories are legendary! He knows everything about everything and he's giving me a shot...again.

I'm trying to outline my writing process...so difficult for me, but I'm learning it is more about instincts and taking chances than anything else. You can't have any ego when you send things off because the odds are usually against you as a newbie writer. There is a fine line of confidence and arrogance in query letters and it is hit or miss with everything else. Every decision seems to be make or break it in the business and you have to have thick skin. You have to chase after your dream until you win and you will eventually win.

At our last workshop meeting, just before we graduated, Darden told us our strengths and weaknesses as writers and people. He told me that I had "it" as a writer and that I was would always be one of his favorite students. He then said that I reminded him alot of one of his former students, Angela Kinsey. He explained that she was a great, little actress with a pretty big series coming out, The Office (Yes, that "Office"!) I just want to live up to expectations because this is the only thing I've fought so hard for. I hope to inspire other people to do the right thing for their careers. Maybe they will learn something from my past failures and present successes. It's just important to me to live up to those standards.

February Trip

Jake and I had another great weekend in Dallas! Even though he wants to start hunting, I'm convinced he is a city boy at heart! He was a great sport to see the Hannah Montana movie with me (he was the only boy) and visit my grandparents. But I did manage to feed him very well and get him a few books for the spring. I've got to support his need to read! He's just growing up so fast and it is so fun to watch. I'm just grateful to have the time with him! I was only able to see Jenna on Friday night...big time bummed about that! But I have a feeling she'll be spending her 16th Birthday in the city!

Good Friday!

List O Thanks:
Lita is going home today! She is pumped!
Jenn & Jake will be here tonight! I'll be hanging with Jake all weekend!
I've booked 3 jobs this week! Praise Jesus! I also have a few more leads!
I am thankful for honesty and taking chances!

It really has been an amazing week and I thank God for everything He has generously provided! He is Glorious!

Update Thursday

Well, today was interesting to say the least. Lita is completely off oxygen and no longer needs an IV. She will be home by Friday afternoon! Praise the Lord! As I said in an earlier blog, the doctor wanted to stabilize her levels before she could be released and for good reason. This afternoon we met with the heart specialist as well as the attending doctor at the hospital. They both confirmed that she had 2 small heart attacks over the weekend although she did not have any symptoms. And miraculously, her heart was not damaged in any way. They will have to do an angiogram in the next two weeks to determine if she has a blockage, but the doctor is optimistic. We are praying that her kidney function will stabilize over that time so the doctor has the best result possible.

After the doctor left the room, I prayed with her. There we were, huddled together in her hospital room, thanking God for protecting her heart. It is the most honest prayer I've ever prayed. After, she held my face in her hands, kissed me, and said, "thank you". It is a time I will never forget. She has prayed over me so much with such great faith. She has been there for every major event in my life from graduations to piano, orchestra, and dance recitals and she has continues to be there. Even in the hospital, she still gives me priceless advice and scolds me for not taking "important" calls. I thank the Lord for her influence and strength. She is so beautiful. And it breaks my heart to know that she is getting older, but we will be there for everything she and Lito need. They are so precious to us...to me.
Thank you all again for visiting, praying, and thinking of us this week. God has been so gracious to us and made us new everyday. I pray that God would continue to draw all of us to His side. May God be glorified through our love for each other.

Update Wednesday

Today was another great day for Lita! God is so present in her life and it is evident to everyone she comes in contact with! We received some good news today about her possible return to normal life! The doctors are still waiting on a couple more test results and hopefully they will release her. She can't wait!

And I finally gave her the gift I put together for her wedding anniversary and she loved it! She showed the book to everyone who would look at it. She even booked a photography job for me! God is so faithful to us!

Please pray for my Mom. She is tired from the week and being there for my Lito. Pray that she has a restful/peaceful day at work and is able to focus on her family. Pray that she wouldn't worry, but rely solely on the Lord for strength. Thank you again for the prayers and encouragement. What a gracious love! May blessing bestowed upon you all!

Update Tuesday

Lita is doing famously. I've nicknamed her "Speed Racer" for the time being and have teased her about painting racing stripes on her robe. She is getting feisty with the nurses and the doctors say she can go home in a couple of days. Praise the Lord, her pneumonia is gone! They are still monitoring her heart and other levels. We had a great time watching cooking shows, chatting about life, and praying this afternoon. Again, thank you for the prayers. Please continue to remember her and my grandfather.

Photography Prints

I have had several requests to sell prints of my work! You can browse & purchase them here! Please check back for more updates and news! Thank you again! It's all happening! This is just a preview of what you will see at imagekind!
You can also stay current with my photography here or here!

lipstick

A while back I had the pleasure of driving across Texas, while listening to Sex God from Rob Bell. Okay, maybe he talks/reads entirely too fast for some people, but the man is magic. The first chapter, "God Wears Lipstick" changed everything for me on that trip bringing forth the nature of man, comparing it with objectivity, and understanding how God views us as men and women.

And for the past few weeks, I've not felt special or lovely and no, I'm not going to feel amazing everyday, but at the same time I should feel a peace about my own sex as a woman and I don't. It is becoming increasingly difficult to answer the question of why nothing major has happened in my life thus far. And I'm talking about the life-defining moments that allow me to have ownership in my own humanity. I am still a spectator and I take chances on everything and everyone in life and it seems like an unchanging state.

Tonight I listened to the women I value most. We spent time putting on makeup of all things. We made up our eyes, cheeks, lips and then we had to say something we liked about the reflection we saw in the mirror. I was the last to go and I chose to talk about the lipstick I had on. Everyone gave compliments and I didn't hear them because I was too busy saying "No, no, no. And one of the girls stopped me and said I needed to really listen to what they wanted to tell me. I drove home feeling like I had on too much makeup, thinking about the imperfections that the powder didn't cover, instead of recognizing the gift of lipstick I had on. The more I looked in the mirror, the more I was reminded of the luster I'd brushed off. The beauty that God gave me just needed to be outlined with crimson. I have yet to remove the pigment from my lips. The matchless color of crimson glory continues to define my heart and identity in Christ. My Love wears Lipstick.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8

Update Monday

Lita is feeling much better today and has made great improvements! Praise Jesus! They continue to do more tests and are still monitoring her heart closely. She is talking now because she can breathe better and that has been wonderful! I took my computer up to show her photographs from our recent trips/family functions and that made a big difference in her mood! We have a long rode, but it is not as bad as we all feared.

And my Lito actually made an appointment to see the doctor! I think he feels so much better knowing that my grandmother is being looked after. (I think we're doing a great job taking care of him!)

Thank you for your constant support and prayers. We all feel the Lord's faithfulness and goodness. May the Lord be glorified.

Update 3:00pm

They have run a plethora of tests on Lita this afternoon. And thankfully we did the right thing by bringing her in because her shortness of breath has to do more with the congestive heart failure than the pneumonia. The consensus seems to be that there is a possibility of a blood clot somewhere. Our fear, as well as hers, is that the clot is in or around the heart. So, that is all we know for now. We continue to rely on the strength and wisdom God bestows upon us.

My Lita

Updates:
Lita was taken to the hospital this morning because she couldn't breathe well. She has been in and out of the doctor for 2 weeks and we thought it best to have her in the hospital because she is not sleeping at night due to pneumonia. The main things I would like you to pray for is her congestive heart failure, pneumonia and my Lito because he is just as sick and still refuses to go to the doctor. I was actually sent home to wait because I've been sick and couldn't be in the waiting room with contagious people.

Please pray for my mom, aunt Lilly and the rest of the family as we try to do everything we can to get them back to being as healthy as possible. Pray for the doctors and nurses that see her. Please pray I can get my Lito to go the doctor, too. I am so thankful to have the time to look after them.

New Photography Blog

Here is the new Jessica Garza Photography Blog!

I've Just Seen a Face

I've just seen a face,
I can't forget the time or place
Where we just met.
She's just the girl for me
And I want all the world to see
We've met, mmm-mmm-mmm-m'mmm-mmm.
Had it been another day
I might have looked the other way
And I'd have never been aware.
But as it is I'll dream of her
Tonight, di-di-di-di'n'di.
Falling, yes I am falling,
And she keeps calling
Me back again.
I have never known
The like of this, I've been alone
And I have missed things
And kept out of sight
But other girls were never quite
Like this, da-da-n'da-da'n'da.
Falling, yes I am falling,
And she keeps calling
Me back again.
Falling, yes I am falling,
And she keeps calling
Me back again.
I've just seen a face,
I can't forget the time or place
Where we just meet.
She's just the girl for me
And want all the world to see
We've met, mmm-mmm-mmm-da-da-da.
Falling, yes I am falling,
And she keeps calling
Me back again.
Falling, yes I am falling,
And she keeps calling
Me back again.
Oh, falling, yes I am falling,
And she keeps calling
Me back again.
~ Lennon / McCartney

procrastination station

So in order to write everyday, I try to get into the process. I'm not one who can just jump into it from my kitchen table. I know it sounds overwhelmingly exotic. So depending on what I'm working on i like to:
people watch at the mall
go through photographs
go through old journals
watch old drill team competitions (we were so fabulous)
over analyze everything in my life (i could make it an olympic sport)
read other authors
read my stuff
try on my clothes (i have ALOT of clothes)
walk to starbucks
run
buy new music (i always end up writing to steely dan, the eagles, doobie brothers and at times ELO)
have a dance party
Now that I think about it, this list is more about procrastinating than anything else. I've met my quota for the day.

february

warning: the post you are about to read is girly, over dramatic, and sentimental

It seems that February is upon us and that means Valentine's Day is right around the corner. I have to admit that in recent years, I have come to love the day. The silly pink and red hearts matter to me. And I should say that my valentine's are my brother and sister, but it always feels good to give something even if I don't get anything back in return. And you can characterize me and my thoughts as shallow or unintelligent, but I'm just trying to look at the bright side.

My junior year at Baylor, I came home for Valentine's Day and it snowed the entire trip to Dallas. I was so thankful for the cold. My heart had been broken on Monday of that week and I didn't even have the energy to tell my friends at school what had happened. I was devastated. I just packed my things and left.

And so I feel like I have to make an effort each year to make it count because I don't want to ever feel like I did then. I could forever hate Valentine's Day or just move on. And although I never think about that memory or him, something about this time of year reminds me of it. I wish I could forget it completely to be honest. I just have to live and love better each year.

Cue Seasons of Love from Rent

Happy Anniversary!

My Lito & Lita have been married for 58 years! My darling grandmother as already requested the country club for their 60th Anniversary and booked the photographer! It has been a great year to celebrate Lita's 85th Birthday, Lito's 80th Birthday, and Aaron's Wedding. We have so much to be thankful for as a family!

new stuff

A new reading recommendation: Jesus in the Margins by Rick McKinley -- I've only read a few chapters, but the beginning alone makes it well worth consideration.

And I didn't know that Jon Foreman was releasing EPs because I must live under a rock but Winter & Fall are out and they are so great. Great! I fancy Southbound Train, Somebody's Baby, In Love and White as Snow...just buy them. And I should say that I'm passing this recommendation off as my own, but the credit belongs to Newlywed Tim...I think he needs a new nickname.

And check out my friend Drew's band, Plu at myspace.com/plusound. They got it going on and they give great live performances so if you're in the Arkansas area, check them out! Seriously!

There is also another girl from the UK, her name is Adele and her album is Chasing Pavement. Check out the song Daydreamer.

And by chance, I caught Coldplay on Austin City Limits tonight. They make me happy I have ears. Has it really been 2 years since we saw them?

Anything is Possible

I was talking to a friend at church on Sunday about the January fog I've been experiencing. It's cold and dreary and frankly, a bit depressing. And though I've had so many projects to work on, it's been a bit of a chore to find inspiration for my work. Yes, I could read more books or watch more movies, but I have to be keenly aware of mimicking the work of other people. And so I've resorted to listening to country music. It makes me happy for no good reason and it is more drama than a reality tv show.

The point is I'm realizing that I have to do whatever it takes to makes this happen and its difficult to be optimistic all the time because I am really a pessimist or maybe I just think I am. It's just so hard to trust and wait. And I am as positive as I possibly can be, but it's more to convince myself than anybody else.

About 7 years ago, my advisor at Baylor told me that I would never make it in college. She asked what I wanted to be and I told her that I needed to be a writer and she said that it would not be possible. I guess she was right at the time, because I couldn't read and retain any kind of information. And after lots of exhaustive testing, it was determined that I read on a 3rd grade level with no comprehension skills and I had A.D.D. It was most difficult time in my life, but I had so much support from friends, family and the will to work that it finally all made sense and I went back to Baylor to give it another shot and I made it with God's grace.

And I can't help but feel this is a similar situation. I have everything I need, I just have to change my mind and pray for more faith. And God will be honored because he has given me this time and passion to work. I just want to be who He desires me to be. I don't want to miss opportunities or disappoint Him or belittle His sacrifice. I want to be as faithful to Him as He is to me.

Family Dinner

Fact: The January Family Dinner was fantastic
Fact: The cupcakes were a hit and the cupcake carrier :)
Fact: Adam is hoping for a wedding or a funeral so Josh will come home (how are these boys married?)
Fact: Single people are still interrogated about their personal lives
Fact: I will never be good a speed pool
Fact: I'm so glad some things will never change

Speed Pool (circa 1998)
I was the first one to get schooled in speed pool although I hadn't played since college. And as brothers usually show no mercy, I was the first to walk out in protest of the game!

Jessica Garza Photography!

Please check out the new wedding section and the blog! http://web.mac.com/jessicagarza
Don't be afraid to post comments!!!

Read This!

Hey Friends!
Here a couple of great reading recommendations! They are great men, colleagues, and friends. Please give them your consideration!

jake's dallas visit!

well, my brother's first official trip to dallas without parents was a great success! unfortunately, i was sick as a dog and we spent most of the time drugged on allergy meds but regardless, we saw dallas together. we picked him up on friday night and treated him to his favorite meal...chicken crispers at chili's of course! and saturday morning we packed up and road downtown on the rail. he loved every minute! we made it downtown to the convention center for my sis's volleyball tourny, watched a couple of matches and were on a way again. we stopped at the west end to eat at the spaghetti warehouse and walk around. i was miserable by that time so we hopped on the rail again and headed home. we put on our pj's at 5pm and commenced our movie marathon of ratatouille, napoleon dynamite, and pirates of the caribbean! and regardless of the way i was feeling or how he thought the weekend was going to go, we had a great time because we always have a good time. i am so grateful to have such a close relationship with Jake because of the 15 year age difference...He is a great guy, so sweet and kind and he believes in us so much...even when we disappoint him. he deserved a better weekend but it happened the way it was supposed to. i think his next visit will last a little longer.

on the way to the airport, my brother said that he thought i had a really exciting life. "You go and take pictures all over the US and you live in a big city. You're even writing a book!"
to which i responded that it doesn't seem nearly that exciting and he responded by saying, "sissy, i think you're a big deal and you are doing great things. not everyone has a big sister who lives their dreams."

not much else to say after that but i do everything i can to please the Lord and my family and i am just grateful that someone has noticed. i will always be Jake's biggest and loudest fan.

My 12 days of Christmas

It came as a shock to me that I spent 20 out of 31 days traveling in the month of December. The first trip being to Galveston to see my family, then to Fort Worth for a couple of days for wedding #1. I was home for the next two weeks where I was able to complete the 3rd draft of my book, getting it ready for an editor and agent. We then managed to make it the Santa Barbara, California area for wedding #2 and one of the best times we've had as a family. After our trip, I had less than 12 hours to make it to the Galveston area again to visit my family for Christmas and New Years. I had the pleasure of being away from home for 12 days over the Christmas Holiday and it was fabulous.

New for 2008, I am aggressively pursuing life as a photographer and have exciting ideas about developing products for everyone to enjoy in the future. I am also seeking the best advice and options for publishing my book. I believe I will have to work more diligently than I have in my entire life, but I continue my quest to live the dream as God instructs me. He is Good and His Love Endures!

Here are a few pictures from the last month:

my babies

you would definitely have to ask my brother and sister whether they hate having their picture taken or not, but big sister doesn't normally give them a choice. these are a funny little pictures that I liked best from my week down in big ol TC! and in my defense they say that i'm not nearly as bossy as i used to be...we'll see how long that lasts.

i really cannot believe how much they've grown in the last year, especially my brother. he remains the idea man in the family and gives us challenge after challenge. as for my sister, she has become my very best friend in the last year. i credit our close relationship to our little trip to the caribbean this past summer. regardless, i now understand the bond we share as sisters and only hope to get closer in the new year. God Bless my babies!
PS...Jenny, can you believe these are the same kids? We're so old!

galveston part 2

here's a few more photographs from my time on the beach and more from the strand.

galveston part 1

these are a few photographs of the places i love the most in galveston...the strand, my grandmother's house and the first church i ever attended. i will add more photographs soon! in the mean time, let me know what you think!

beautiful disaster

well...it has been an insane month and due to circumstances out of my control, i decided to walk away from the job i've loved for the last year. i still believe in the organization and what they do for children however i can't help but be disappointed in the decisions they are making when it comes to staff. and knowing i did nothing wrong, i can confidently say that i showed grace to those who chose to be not friends but enemies. it pains me a great deal to think that the instigator in all of this melodrama calls themselves an absolute lover of Christ. i can't pretend to know that person's heart, however, i know that it is not hidden from God. i believe that satan took joy in seeing me struggle but God has as always been my refuge and deliverer. i refuse to be angry, bitter, distraught, or scared of the future because God has given me more than a hope, but faith and a future. He placed this call on my life this time 5 years ago. it is encouraging to know that this month of absurdity has been brought to an end and i have more confidence in my God more than ever. i can't help but think this is an amazing opportunity and turning point in my life to achieve everything i've ever dreamt of and so i faithfully follow God's leading to publish my book and pursue photography full time. this is actually the second time in 2 years that i've quit my job to complete my writing work and being older and more willing to listen (probably not so wise), i embark on this journey. God has taught me how to love my enemies and bless and pray for them. i have learned how to fast and pray without ceasing. i have learned what it is to be mistrusted, gossiped about, and maybe even hated and it is not because of anything i did or said but because satan wanted a battle. i do not feel as though i have less dignity by walking away but more self control than those who began this unwarranted fight. and i wholeheartedly believe that i stood up for myself and my rights to not be harassed in the workplace any longer. and guys...if you ask a girl out at work and she says no, it doesn't mean you can wait it out...if no means no today, then that goes for tomorrow, too. life is hard enough...we don't all need to be enemies especially when its a last resort to keep ourselves busy. so i'm completely finished with this updated "mean girls" parody of my life. Anywho, my new boss is fabulous and she lets me wear hats to work.

i write this to show you that its not worth the interruption of being angry or self involved...that is such a dangerous, egotistical, little cocktail. we all have things to live for and i pray that it is Christ sooner rather than later. God save us all from ourselves...we are our own worst enemies. You are the only thing true and glorious in this life...please bless this humble attempt to do the right thing. love God love people.

and i thank you all for the constant encouragement and support through these few weeks. thank you for praying with me, crying with me, spending time, and not laughing at me...there are no words to express my gratitude. i am truly blessed to have your love and you have carried my burdens. and i have to thank my grandparents, mom, dad, other momma and my sister for dropping everything to be with me. you know the beat of my heart and i pray that i make you proud because you have made me all i am...i do not even know what it is to be malicious or untruthful and that is because of you. i always remain mindful that i have a brother and sister at home who learn from the things i experience. so i believe that God is glorified in this situation because he is right, just, and loving. and you have all been Christ to me. God bless you all.

cyclops

well it comes at no surprise that with the thanksgiving holiday coming up, i wanted to have a few amigos over to chill. being the aspiring hostess i am i set to work on a pumpkin cheesecake. i eagerly started working on the recipe and thankfully i accomplished my goal with a little snafu. apparently when i was unwrapping cream cheese in the foil package, i must have had a little piece of it on my hand or from the baking pan. well, when i went to wash my face later that evening, i somehow got the little shard of metal caught in my eye and it scratched the bottom of the eye pretty bad. needless to say i was not able to sleep very well sunday night and decided to make an appointment to see the optometrist. in a matter of a few minutes the doctor had put dye in my eye, numbed it, and finally found the culprit...a small yet painful piece of metal. what a day! i hope this is the only bump in the road this thanksgiving week. maybe i'll laugh about it when i don't have to put those eye drops in anymore. i am convinced that this kind of thing only happens to me!

soap box session

so i'm thinking that work is overrated however the kids aren't...lest we not forget the children and leave the pettiness behind but it is impossible to do when you only work with women. so much is lost on me.

in other news i was told that i was not so hip-hop yesterday. one of the witty little ones i work with made a comment about my belt not matching my shoes yesterday and in his defense they were part of an ensemble but they did not match exactly. well, the kiddo proceeded to tell me that i was not hip-hop but it might work on BET at which time another kiddo said that i should be on the BET awards this year...presenter, recipient...i don't know but i do know that they are hilarious and i love them dearly and it is all about them and no one else.

we are lucky to serve them and shape their futures and just because we have chosen this path does not make us good, but instead more a part of a larger life experience. just because we give clothes and donate toys does not mean that we above anyone...i wish we could understand that we are to bear one another's burdens and do unto others...i wish we could go and do and love and support and listen and sympathize and refrain from judging. we have to be the change. i will be the change i would like to see and to heck with the people who hate that...its not me they really hate. do the math...it will won't ever be about us...let's think beyond ourselves...it might makes us all less petty.

1st Anniversary

As you can probably imagine, work was absolutely insane today. It was during a very tense situation that I realized I actually had been doing this social work thing for a year...crazy. I NEVER intended to be anything other than a writer, but this has been one good year. Yes, there have been ups and downs, but it has been worth it to see little people succeed in school. And I am reminded just how desperate people really are who do not know Christ...it can get a little too real sometimes. But we have to do for people whether they may make a good decision or not, we have to give to them. We can't possibly know if someone is worthy of help, we don't have the power to pass judgment on a situation, but if we help them see that they have options and support then they will eventually acknowledge an alternative. Its difficult to give to people who sometimes think that the world is out to get them, but I'm so thankful that my job doesn't give me a choice in the matter. This job is completely about everyone else but me...I need to remember that.

Cue the "We Are the World" Music...It's Real!

circa 1991

grace is an amazing opportunity to realize that forgiveness is beautiful. in 1991, my dad essentially stopped being my dad as i knew him. he became someone else...a husband to a new woman, a father to a new girl, and a stranger to me. and it has taken discussions, tears, phone calls, visits, and countless prayers to restore our relationship. it actually began to mend when i was a junior in college because i started to let go of the resentment and accept that i could not change the past. thankfully, my dad has in the last year or so let go of stress and become a man who leads his family by example. God has brought us back together and for the first time in 10 years, we went to church as a family this passed weekend. i never thought that the Lord would dream a new beginning for us, but we either all get on board or let it pass us by. we are all in this together, not because of passed mistakes, but instead to witness the intense mercy and love of Christ. His love endures forever.

The Patch

this was taken saturday at the arboretum. i can't believe we had never been to a pumpkin patch before. this is the greatest time of the year!

sound bite

Here is the Randomness of the Week:

"You're an Ugly Pony!"

"Do you date 4's or 5's?"
"I mostly date homeless 5's but they have to have a beard"

"Barrio Crazy"

"It's Real" - Apparently this only makes sense in Louisiana...trust me, i tried it out and it did not happen for me.

I know that these are all unique to circumstances but i had to share them because they make me laugh so hard. I was actually writing an email today when I started laughing out loud at the "ugly pony" comment. i'm sure i will have more next week...until then...

turn, turn, turn

i spent saturday afternoon celebrating my 95 year old aunt’s birthday. incredible. i have yet to see anyone so happy to light candles, see cake, be thankful for life in general and i believe that she gets it. there is always a bit of tension between my grandmother and her sister because as many 95 year old women often do, she forgets things...important things like her husband dying, accusing people of stealing from her, forgetting where she should go next, but yet she lives and lives well.

as we were singing happy birthday and i snapped away as always (my granddaddy hired me to chronicle the event), i began to think about the first person that who displayed that kind of passion...Mary...yes, Mary Taft was an amazing girl who became my first friend when i moved to carrollton. it was the first day of 4th grade and i was a nobody...a chubby nobody at that, and i sat next to Mary by choice. she had her white-ish, blonde hair pulled back in a long braid, she wore a red dress and had something no one else in the class had...an oxygen tank. Mary had cystic fibrosis, but she loved life. over the next few years we went to the movies, had parties, formed secret societies, and had sleepovers. i learned about breathing levels, feeding tubes, lung transplants and friendship...she had it all. we were in the grocery store when the news came. my nemesis and foe walked right up to us and said Mary was dead...she had passed away on friday and it was sunday. i just remember collapsing inside my mother’s arms. she lead me through the checkout line, her hands over my ears as i stood and cried uncontrollably.

later we found out that Mary’s lung transplant was a success. she learned to swim for the first time in her life, she was able to rollerblade and run...she had truly been able to do it all in such a short period of time. she lived well. and today after all the good stories and plethora of hugs and kisses, i could see my aunt lydia and that familiar sense of self that though she knew she wouldn’t be around forever, she was living now, in the present...what a great thing to see.

just as a side note...i knocked my nemesis’ front teeth out on the playground the next year...a complete accident...she’s not a walking toothless wonder though; she had them fixed. yeah, she’s in the book.

what now?

so i’ve never listened to a book on tape at any point during my life. don’t know why...just didn’t see the need. i think it was probably the inability to connect with a person reading an author’s work. and so i am listening to Sex God from rob bell...i finally had to turn it off today because i was having such an intense, personal examination around 7:45am...a little dangerous for this girl. but praise God for letting me think about personality, generalizations, and the human condition...my own depravity. and there is such a need for a reminder of just how amazing this relationship between God and his creation really is. it is so much of a mystery. the very possibility that i would bring God joy...too much.

i have friends who are finally expecting the arrival of a baby within the next few days and i begin to think about how their lives have truly changed because of this new, beautiful preparation. and as marriage and children get closer and closer to me, my friends, i feel the need to explore more of my role as a woman as God intended it to be...what he designed me for. i never thought it would be possible for me to love children so much and everyone time it happens its like i step outside of myself and into a loving light...it is so much different than any way i have ever been...it is new.

i feel like i know everything...about myself, everyone, you...truly arrogant...i don’t...i don’t know anything because i am learning so much about my heart that i never knew existed...there is patience everyday. so i’m not ashamed to say that this is all new but it is like home to me. i’ve always been so afraid of wanting to be a mom...i don’t know why...maybe i just wanted to be cool...or i just didn’t think i could do it as well as it needed to be done...so we’ll see. i’m not so afraid of that anymore. how could i not want that in my life?

ice cream sandwhich!

i'm totally related to the guy who would get an ice cream sandwhich tattooed on his leg! if only i were as dedicated! seriously!

city slickers

well...we made it back from our little family camping trip...it was actually our family reunion with 200 relatives no less. yes, we have a HUGE family and we did it right this time. of course there were ants in our bed, fights with my grandparents, and hours of sweating it out in the sun watching horse shoes and vollleyball, but we survived! thank goodness its all over until next labor day weekend. i've never worked so hard and not gotten paid for it, but it was worth it as i type on my lovely apple computer in my air conditioned house. i did manage to take a few photos of the weekend. the new babies make it all worth the effort. enjoy the kids carnival!

jessica garza photography!

well after some thought, i've decided to take a chance and try my hand at this photography deal. please check out the new site and let me know what you think. i might even ask a few of you to pose for me! here's to the future! you can find jessica garza photography at http://web.mac.com/jessicagarza